Back Home to Pine Cove

I've been going to Pine Cove literally since I can remember. There's a picture hanging up in our house of my mom holding me with my sister on the other side at the Mother/Daughter conference in probably 1995. I absolutely love that place. No matter if it's youth camp or the conference centers. Probably the reason it feels most like home is because how the Lord has molded me and transformed my life there.

At the Pine Cove Shores in high school as I was going into my Junior Year, it was the first time I realized how important a daily quiet time was. That molded the quiet times that I continue to have now even as I type this.

Living my dream as a Pine Cove counselor in the inaugural year of the Timbers, the Lord started me on a lifelong journey to contentment with him. Specifically,the Lord, through my terrible acne that summer, showed me that contentment was not through the way I looked. He showed me that I was beautiful not because of the way I looked or dressed, but because I was His and He made me.That was the first time I ever yearned and longed for the Lord. I remember just flipping through my Bible and just never wanting to stop reading. I realized that not only did I want the Lord, but I truly need the Lord every single day of my life.

So, this last weekend was truly coming full circle for me at Pine Cove. I had been a kid at conferences, been a kid at youth camps, been a counselor at youth camps, and now I am being an adult (I saw adult in the loosest term. I may have been at an adult women's conference, but I sure did still swing on the swings and do cheers!) at conferences. This weekend the Lord truly just brought me back to himself. I have been a while in a state of just kind of stagnation in my walk with the Lord, which I know means I was growing apart from Him. I just needed this time at PC to one again realize just how sweet my time with Jesus is. Also, I learned a lot about courage not only in typical firefighter type situations, but within daily life.

More on this tomorrow! As for now, one of my goals after this weekend is to be more disciplined with my bedtime, so good night!

Lord, may you continue to bring me to yourself. Thank you for Pine Cove and the way you use it to bring me to your feet.

Transition

So, here I am 3 months in to my 'adult' life, and I am feeling a bit (or let's be honest, A LOT) directionless. For my whole life, I always was working towards goals. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to get the most laps in running club, make it on to student council, and be the best GT student. In middle school, I wanted to make the sports teams, get invited to the cool kid parties, and make it on Park Pride. In high school, I wanted to go to state in Tennis, win fair queen, and be valedictorian. In college, I wanted to be head RA, become large group coordinator of GCF, and excel in math. You get the point. I've always had goals. But, now I feel a little stuck. I guess I always figured at this point in my life I would 'on track' to getting married. Well, clearly that's not the case and now I'm kind of stuck where do I go from here.

I'm not going to lie. This transition is HARD. I know this is where I need to be right now, but that doesn't make me miss W&L any less. I miss my friends. I miss GCF. I miss Young Life. I miss ResLife. I even miss the way I was with the Lord there. You see in this transition, I've felt numb to the Lord. I guess I am so success driven that that is a way I have drawn close to the Lord. I seek his help, guidance, and just talk to him more when I'm trying to achieve a goal.

Don't get me wrong. Life in Houston is not bad. In fact, I do really like it. I've joined an awesome church with an even more awesome singles Sunday School class. I play sports with them. I have a small group. We go to social events together. I've met a lot of people. I am very thankful for that and I know that the Lord is going to/has been using these people to help me during this transition.

Now, I just pray that I get that desire for the Lord back. In my head, I know it's not the place or the group of people that draw me to the Lord, but in my heart, it's still hard for me to believe. I guess what I'm saying is that it was easy to draw close to the Lord there. It was comfortable. But, oh wait. The Lord doesn't call us to live comfortable lives. Dang it.

Lord, give me love for you. Let me yearn for you, Lord. Guide me through this transition and bring me joy that only comes from you.

Spring Term=Spring o' Fun

Great, great day today! Got offered not one, but two jobs that would be great for me!! Noon today I was jobless. By 2 PM, I had two job offers! Praise the Lord! Now starts the difficult decision making process. Beyond all of that awesomeness, it is now officially spring term, which means spring option for me which means lots of times to do fun things! Here are just a few of the things I want to do this spring term.

1.) Clean/Organize the GCF Carrel
2.) Write at least 3 letters/week
3.) Run 4 Days a Week
4.) Ab work at least 3 days a week
5.) Safari Park
6.) Natural Bridge
7.) Tube the Maury
8.) Have a legit quiet time daily with at least 3 days a week having them outside or fun places
9.) Apply for a Credit Card
10.) Upgrade my phone
11.) Find housing wherever I choose to live
12.) Sign up for my frequent fliers points
13.) Bake/Cook at least once a week!
14.) Finish Reading Decision Points and Redeeming Love
15.) Hike House Mountain

Well, that's all I can think of for now, but I'll keep it updated if I add or check off any of these!
The Lord is good. Amen

pray, pray, pray

that's what i've been doing and need to do. i've got a lot on my mind. i'm giving it to the Lord.' Lord, i pray for discernment. i pray for your will. i pray for a clear answer. i pray that you lead me the right way.

Playing the Waiting Game

The Waiting Game. It's the hardest game I've ever had to play. Besides maybe heads up, 7-Up. I was really terrible at that game except when I cheated and looked at the people's feet (let's be real we all cheated at some point in that game). Anyone want to play soon? On my honor, I won't cheat this time! So, the waiting game, here's what God has to say about it.. "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25 Patient? Wait, you want me to be patient? But, Lord, I NEEEEEEED to know where I'm gonna be next year and what I'll be doing. So much relies on it. But, thankfully, I serve a good God who has a beautiful plan for me. (yes, plan.. i'm so excited about it because we all know I love plans!) I do not know it yet, but here I am waiting patiently (sometimes). Even though, I am still very impatient, I have such a peace about where I'll be and what I'll be doing next year. I KNOW my father has an awesome plan for me even if that means moving home for a little bit. I trust in His goodness and the fact that He knows me better than I know myself. I don't like waiting, but I will wait because I know the waiting brings me closer to my father. It lets me seek Him and talk to Him A LOT. Lord, let me seek you in this time of waiting. Thanks so much for the beautiful plan you have for my life.

Trusting in the Lord

The Lord has been teaching me so much lately. A lot about what it means to trust Him fully instead of questioning if what He has for me is really good. It's not easy for sure. Surprise, surprise. I tend to want to grip on to things and keep control of them. Well, I've been getting wakeup calls about that lately. Specifically, today I got a rejection letter for a job I really wanted. In fact, I was really confident that I would get it because of my qualifications and how well the interview went. The Lord took my control of my future and jerked it out of my hands. I thought that was my future. Clearly, the Lord has a different future for me. Joan and I talked last night about asking the Lord to shut all the doors except the one He wanted us to go through, so there would be no question that we were doing the Lord's will. Little did I know how quickly would that be true for my life. I can tell how much the Lord has worked in my life in the past year because of my reaction to the rejection. Clearly, I was disappointed, but my first reaction was that God had His perfect plan. There were no water works. It was simply on to the next trying to figure out what God has for me.

found this verse and it is so perfect in my circumstance:
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those that trust you. Psalm 9:10

Lord, take my future from any grasp I try to hold onto. You know where you want me. Put me there.

Approval

I'm learning a LOT from the Lord right now. I'm learning so much about myself and the Lord is peeling off a veil for me to see sin in my life that I have never seen before. It is HARD. so HARD. I hate seeing sin in my own life. Remember how I hate not being perfect? See if I'm sinning, I'm not perfect, which sucks.

I've learned in the past couple of months that my love language is affirmation. I feel really loved when I feel really affirmed. It's definitely good to know what your love language is, but this past week I have seen the flip side to this. I realized that my love language is affirmation, so I do most things in my life in an effort to be affirmed by other people aka I want approval from people. I work soo hard for approval in sports, academics, jobs, whatever it is. I realized that the reason I'm struggling with not feeling like a good Young Life leader is that I'm not being affirmed. The Lord is teaching me through that the I need not work for approval of man, but approval of Him. ahhh.. that's so hard.

Even tonight, I realized another aspect of my struggle with approval. I even seek for approval on how I look and how I interact with people. Going out is definitely not comfortable to me especially when I'm not going out with one of my good friends. I realized that because of this I searched for approval even more, to no avail. I just felt awkward. Then, after leaving the going out situation I came back to hang out with another friend, who was actually already hanging out with someone else, so i couldn't hang out with her. The right thing to do is so hard a lot of times. I learned that tonight. Usually, the "right" thing to do is just automatic for me, but it wasn't tonight. I wanted to go hang out to feel affirmed that I was loved, but I knew that that was not what the two other people wanted/needed. It's hard sitting her alone, but I know that that is what is best even though it's not what my flesh wants.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

Lord, let me be your servant. Let me work for your approval and not man's.

Sister Weekend :)

In New York City for Sister Weekend!
I'm so pumped to get to spend 4 days with my seester. She is the best and it is easiest for me to be honest with her than anyone else. She does such a great job of loving me. I know pretty much noone else that loves me as well as the way she does. I guess it's because I was such a present to her after having 2 brothers :)

Isaiah 33 is sooo good.
Summary: What the Lord is
My take:
v. 2-"O Lord, be gracious to us; We have waited for You. Be their arm every morning, Our salvation also in the time of trouble." I love this because it's a beautiful cry out to the Lord. The Lord wants us to call out to him in our distress and that's exactly what this is.
v. 5d-"The fear of the Lord is His treasure." Not exactly sure what this means, but I feel like it's really powerful. I take it to mean fearing the Lord is such a treasure to Christ.
v.15d-16a-"And shuts his eyes from evil: He will dwell on high." This makes me think about all the trash TV I watch. I need to be really careful about what I'm putting into my brain through my eyes. So much evil can come into our lives and produce sin through what we see. Our eyes are direct road for Satan to creep into our lives, so we need to make sure we guard them. My guilty pleasure is trashy reality TV shows, so clearly I'm not very good at this. There's definitely a fine line to walk about what is okay and not, and I'm not sure I'm walking it very well.
v.22- "For the Lord is our Judge, The Lord is our Lawgiver, The Lord is our King; He will save us." This is so powerful about the identity of the Lord. Such a great reminder, too for me that humans are not my judge. So, why am I striving to be perfect in their eyes?? He is King, not us! He will save us!!

Complacent

It's cool how the Lord so many times gives you just what you need to hear through His word. Isaiah 32 was just what I needed tonight. It talks about how righteous God is and how peaceful being His is, but what hit me most was what it said about complacency. You see, it's gotten really easy for me to be complacent as a senior. I know my surroundings. I know the people. I know my classes. I like where I'm at. I have to make sure I walk the fine line between complacency and contentment. While yes, I absolutely want to be content in the Lord (phil. 4:11.. check it out, in my top 5 favorite verses), I never want to be complacent. I guess the difference in the way I see it is that contentment is being content in your identity in Christ, knowing that you are His, wheras complacency is feeling like you don't need to grow in the Lord. Confession: I a lot of times feel like I'm a great Christian and don't have that much growing to do in the Lord. Clearly, I know that's a lie because I'm far from perfect, but it's so easy to get in that mind set through comparison with those around you. When I'm around the normal student, I'm feeling pretty good about my walk with the Lord. But, when I was around my fellow counselors the last couple of summers, I felt like I had leaps and bounds to go in the Lord. Again, it's a fine line between contentment and complacency.
Lord, let me learn to never be complacent. Let me constantly yearn to grow closer to you. Thank you for the way you have solidly given me my identity in you.

Trust, Where's Yours?

Isaiah 31:
Summary: It's stupid not to trust in God
My take: After hearing the Young Life club talk tonight about the woman at the well that challenged kids and myself to figure out what kind of "water" are we seeking to fulfill our lives and reading this passage, I realize that as much as I want to say I trust in God and He is what I seek to fulfill my life, it is not true. I seek out success. I want to be successful so badly that when success doesn't come my way (as in the politics test I got back today that I thought I had gotten an A on and actually got a B), I am dry and thirst for success in some other way to fill my cup. I KNOW that the Lord has got me in His hands and His plan is best, but it's sooo hard to believe that in the moment when I fail at something. You see this has worked for me so well for much of my life. I would consider myself a highly successful person. This is one of the big things that worries me about becoming an adult, though. I feel like there's last chance of measurable success. I can't be president of 3 organizations, be recognized for my grades, and get a leadership award at my job. I know. I know. Success will come in different ways, but I like measurable ways. Not immeasurable ways.

Lord, let me find my trust in you and not success. It's hard, Lord, but I know you are worth it.

Faithful

After writing that entry last night, I had an awesome 2 1/2 hour chat with my mom. We talked about a lot of things, but we kept coming back to two things. God is faithful and it's really important to be honest with fellow believers.

So, here's some honesty for you:

Growing up, my dad never had a steady job. He'd hop from one job to the next and many times just not have a job at all. I remember many times being literally angry with my dad. One particular time, I even went on a screaming tyrade at him because I was so angry. As a girl, I have a desire to be taken care of and protected and that just isn't him. My brother asked him last week about it, and he said he literally has never had any motivation to provide for his family. He just does not possess that natural male instinct to want to provide and protect his family. This is SO hard for me. I still have the urge to go yell at him about this sometimes. I have been so hurt by it so many times. I have finally realized, though, that it is something that I need to completely give to the Lord and pray that the Lord helps me forgive him because deep down I know I haven't. I still hold on to that hurt. All of this is so hard for me to even write because I HATE admitting that me or my family is not perfect. Most people in our town think we are the perfect family and nothing is wrong. Noone would ever believe that I have been hurt by my dad ever. We are the Spencers, who live in the perfect white 2 story house, have the 4 perfect kids who all were valedictorian or salutatorian and have grown up to be successful, and go to church every Sunday. I probably lie about my family more than anything else. I guess I just want us to be perfect so much that I lie to make us out to be. I am really good at putting on a perfect FACADE. I do it because it still kills me that me and my family are not perfect. Again, something I'm constantly having to give to the Lord.



So, that being said, my mom and I talked about that being honest with fellow believers is so important because we are meant to walk through the good and bad of life together! She was in her Bible study group last week when one lady admitted that she barely made it to Bible study because she is so depressed. That apparently opened up many of the ladies in the group to confess that they, too, are going through are have been through depression including my mom. My mom was stunned because I guess as we Christians, we just look at other people in our churches, and just expect them to have everything together. That's how we act. Christians are sooo good at putting on the pretty face. Especially as women, we think we have to hold our families together and we're deceived into believing that if something is not going right, we're failing as a Christian or mother. The true fact is NONE of us do have it all together! Once we admit that, it will make life so much better because now instead of carrying burdens on our own, we can share them with our fellow believers and walk through them together! We are never alone because Christ is with us, but also, we are never alone because chances are, there is another believer who's gone through or going through the same thing as you!



I struggle with being honest daily if not hourly if not minutely (is that a word??). I don't want people to know my struggles because then, they wouldn't see me as perfect. But, I need to first be honest with myself. Is this act I'm putting on bringing glory to God? And if I'm honest, it's absolutely not. Who knows who I could help or who could help me if they only knew what I was struggling with? Walking side by side as Christians is what we were made for. I know how sweet it is. Now, I just need to do it.



So, now that I've been honest, the faithful part comes in. As my mom and I talked about the whole situation with my dad and her bible study group, we also talked about how God has been and will be faithful through it all. With my dad, God has been faithful to our family by always providing what we needed and even given dad a steady job the last 9 years. He has been faithful to use my dad's situation to make my mom and I cling to Him. He has been faithful by providing us with a strong family unit. With her bible study group, He has been faithful by providing honest women that truly care for each other. For me, looking back on ways the Lord has been faithful is the best reminder that He will still be faithful even through the hard things I am going through right now.



So, since we're speaking in honesty, here's where I struggle:

I struggle with the fact that my brothers don't get along and that hurts me so much.

I struggle with my brother not following the Lord.

I struggle with lying.

I struggle with pride.

I struggle with feeling like I'm not a good Young Life leader.

I struggle with resentment against my Dad.

I struggle with not believing that the Lord could ever bring me the kind of Godly man I want to marry.



So, Lord I give you my struggles. Give me an honest heart and an honest tongue, Lord. Thanks for the chat with mom last night.

P.S. In awesome news, I ran 2 miles in 16:18 tonight!! That's the fastest I've run it since summer prior to freshmen year! I'm definitely getting the running bug and loving it!

Backsliding

So, remember last week when I told you to expect longer updates this week?? clearly, that hasn't happened. i always have such good intentions coming home that my time with the Lord is gonna be soo good and i'm gonna spend more time with Him since I have more time, but usually, the opposite happens. it's like the more time i have, the more i don't want to give time to the Lord. i also had a huge realization today.

My backsliding looks different than some others backsliding. My backsliding may not be as evident to the eye. I don't drink or hook up when I backslide. I lie and become prideful. When I'm backsliding, those two things are on the rise. These past two weeks have looked painfully like I'm backsliding specifically in these two areas.

Lord, let me draw close to you. Take away my pride and my lying. Let me give it all to you. Give me that desire for you. Thank you for the way you work in my life even when I choose not to give time to you.

home tomorrow/today!!

expect lots of longer posts for the next week since i'll be chillin' out at home for washington break.. man, i love trimesters :)

isaiah 30

it's good. go read it.. i'll give you summaries as soon as i go home friday.

all of this saying. prayer is good. the bible is good. god is good :)

Compassion

Man. The Lord is good. I still carried that heavy heart with me all day long until tonight when Joan told me not to be too hard on myself. I am human. She is so good to me. I thank the Lord daily for her. She loves me so well. In fact, after I saw her, I was overwhelmingly filled with compassion. Then, I found out later on that she had prayed for compassion for me! This huge weight was lifted and I felt so light. Love how the Lord works. Sometimes I just want to be perfect so badly that I get so frustrated with myself when I'm not. I need to constantly remind myself that I am human and I am going to make mistakes, but that's okay because I serve a God who forgives me of those sins.

Isaiah 28
Summary: sadness to Ephraim and Jerusalem
My Take: Alcohol is not the way to drown your sorrows. This is even the cases wayyy back when. This has not changed that people still tried to use alcohol to drown their problems. And listening to the Lord is so key. We can't learn from God if we're not listening for His voice and His guidance. Listening is just as important and you talking to God in a one sided way.

Lord, thanks for the way you lift heavy burdens from my heart. Thanks for being perfect, so I don't have to!

Needing Jesus

Fun, long day and weekend. From skiing and tubing to playing dodgeball, I had a lot of fun this weekend. It's tonight that the Lord really reminded me in a big way how much I need Him. As I sit here, I sit with a heavy heart. I am so selfish. I'm so impatient. I'm so imperfect. I need God to restore my spirit. I need Him to comfort me when I feel like I'm failing as a Christian. I need Him when I'm failing to love people well at all. I'm succeeding, though, when I give all my failures and shortcomings to Him. So, here you Lord. Here's all my failures. I need you.
Isaiah 27
Summary: Restoring Israel
My take: The Lord can restore anything. Nothing is too far gone to be restored.

Lord, thanks for reminding me how much I need you.

How He Loves Us

"O how He loves us so. O how He loves us. How he loves us so." Chris Tomlin

Every time I meet with Kevin for discipleship, I am challenged to be less prideful. Today, I was telling him that I wish one of my friends realized just how much Our Father loves her, and he asked if I even realized how much the Father loved me. Wow. Definitely took me back a little bit. I feel really loved for sure. I feel like Jesus' love is so satisfying. I love to soak it up. But, still I have so much to learn about how great His love for me is. If I really understood His love for me, I would be sharing it with all my friends. I definitely have a lot to learn about His love for me.
Isaiah 26.. These chapters now are just sooo full of wonderful-ness.. love it.
Summary- singing about how great salvation is now and in the end!
My take- just gonna do a little run down of a few of the verses I particularly love
v. 8: "O Lord, we have waited for You; The desire of our soul is for Your name..." Again, I'm not so good at waiting, but this again assures me that waiting has its rewards. I love the wording of the second part of this. I want that to be my desire every second of the day. That word desire just makes me think it is this deep longing for Christ, and I love that. I have a deep need for Christ.
v. 12b: "For You have also done all our works in us." I feel like the Lord little by little has been showing me the validity of this verse in my life. The only good that comes from me is from Christ because Christ is the only good in the world. All good comes from Christ. I need to constantly reminded of this because many times when I do anything good, my immediate reaction is to think I am just really awesome. I am slowly training myself to remember that God is that one that gave me that and that He is the awesome one for blessing me with awesome things.

Lord, let me continue to be in awe of your love for me. Let your love continue to transform my life and the way I love others. Thanks for loving me perfectly.

Laundry

Soooo.. it finally got down after only 4 1/2 short weeks. I think I may have set a record. My mound was getting sooo huge. Last week, I even ran out of underwear, but instead of doing laundry, I just went and bought more. Yeah, I'm really pathetic. But, you might be, too if doing laundry consisted of lugging it down 3 flights of stairs and then outside. Ironically, I chose the day when it was all snowy and really cold outside. Haha.. Anyways, I had a great day. I continually see the Lord in my everyday life and I love it.

Sooo much goodness in Isaiah 25.. It's just become my favorite chapter in Isaiah so far

Summary- How we will praise God with everything we are and how He will remove all suffering from life in the end

My take-

v.1 "O Lord, You are my God. I will exalt You. I will praise Your name. For You have done wonderful things; Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth." I love that last line. I read it to mean his promises are faithfulness and truth. He promises us so much, and fulfills it every time. Love that.

v.4 "For You have been a strength to the poor, A strength to the needy in his distress. A refuge from the storm, A shade from the heat." Remind me of my CSM summer. The Lord is the strength of the rich and the poor. He can be there for those that feel like they have nothing else, whether that be they have no food or whether they have no love.

v.8"He will swallow up death forever, And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all the faces."
Probably my favorite verse from this chapter. I would want this to be read at my funeral. Death here on this earth does not determine death for eternity. Amen to that. I love the imagery of the Lord swallowing up death forever. It's especially relevant after all these proclamations against so many countries. The Lord will not only swallow up death forever, but He will have no crying or sadness in heaven either. Soooo good.

v.9 "And it will be said in that day: Behold this is our God; We have waited for Him, and He will save us. This is the Lord; We have waited for Him;We will be glad and rejoice in His salvation."
This verse is so good. It definitely assures me that waiting on God is so worth it! Even right now, I feel like I'm waiting on the Lord to show me where and what I'll be doing next year. I'm playing a big waiting game, but the Lord is still in it. He has my perfect plan. I will wait for Him because He is worth it.
v.11b" And He will bring down their pride." Self-explanatory. While I feel like the Lord has been working on my pride lately, I still have a LONG way to go. It's gonna suck, but also be so good when ultimately the Lord brings my pride to none. It means that I'll fully be rejoicing Him and be in awe of His majesty.

His timing

The Lord answered a long time prayer today. He brought some younger girls to BSU! That, in itself, was a step of boldness. I asked new people to come, and they even liked it! Also, I was motivated and was finished with my homework by about 3 today! And of course, what Tuesday would be complete without a little Zumba session! We did a whole 45 minute one tonight, too and I still loved it.. especially when some pledges came in to work on their lipsync dance.. haha.. we may have turned them into zumba lovers, too! I love how the Lord answers prayer with the perfect timing. We want our timing to be God's timing so many times when really God's is best. We just don't know that at the time.

Isaiah 24
Summary: Everyone in the end will vanish and all will be viewed the same
My take: This life is so short. Live for the Lord because He is for eternity. After this weekend, this makes me feel even more bold about sharing my faith. Who cares if you have to have a really awkward conversation or lose a friend because you share the Gospel? It's the difference between life or death for eternity. This time on earth is sooo short compared to eternity. Sometimes I try to put my brain around that idea and then my brain just starts to hurt. Point is, that's a long time and the human brain shouldn't be able to comprehend it because it's a God sized thing and we are not God.

Lord, thanks for answering my prayers in your perfect timing. Let me have a patient spirit.

I know who I am

"I know who I am. I know who I am. I know who I am. I am Yours. I am Yours."
This song was on repeat in my head all day today after learning it this weekend. I feel like it's my anthem of this year. I feel the most content I think I've ever felt in the Lord. I know who I am and I am His. This weekend I was goofy and crazy and confident at the same time. It was so freeing. I have finally realized that who I am is awesome because God made me this way, so just be me no matter what. It sounds simple, but hard to actually achieve. It's such a great place to be with the Lord because no matter what the circumstance, I can still be joyful and know that I am His.
Isaiah 23-
Summary: Proclamation against Syria and Tyre and how they are gonna fall
My take- v. 11 says, "He stretched out His hand over the sea, He shook the kingdoms." Again, we see the Lord's crazy, awesome power. I think it's definitely a trend here in Isaiah. How crazy is it that the Lord can just shake kingdoms if he wants to? Hey, God. I have a few people I'd like you to shake. Wanna come help me out there? Haha.. I wish.

Lord, thanks for letting my identity be solely in you and not what I do. Thanks for my unexpected interview today and the way you are providing in my life.

Here I am, send me.

This weekend had the awesome opportunity to go the IV's winter conference on evangelism out at Rockbridge. It was exactly what I needed. I needed to reconnect with God and remember how to hear Him again. I needed to be challenged. I needed time to be goofy and dance and have fun on a ropes course. It was just so wonderful. I'll talk more about the retreat tomorrow, but I'll leave you with a few big things I got from the speaker this weekend, who was absolutely incredible.
1.) We can and should be constantly expanding our capacity to be filled by God.
2.) There was never a person made that was not made to worship God.
3.) Asking friends, "What is stopping you from following Jesus?"
4.) If you really care about your friends, you will tell them about Jesus.
5.) Fear clenches the joy of the Holy Spirit.


Isaiah 22
Summary: Proclamation against Jerusalem and the judgment that will fall on Shebna
My take: After this weekend, I love that the last 4 words of this chapter are "The Lord has spoken." Sure, there's power in the proclamation against Jerusalem and the judgment of Shebna, but the real power is in that the Lord has spoken. When the Lord speaks, it's more powerful than anything else. This weekend when the Lord laid different things on my heart, I was overwhelmed with his power.

Lord, thanks for the Holy Spirit. Let me continue to expand my capacity to be filled by you. Let me listen to you.

In Control

The more I talk with Kevin, our GCF minister, about different struggles in my life, the more I am starting to realize that there is one root. I like to be in control of everything. I'm worried about my future because I don't like not being in control of where I'm going next. I don't like passing down my leadership positions because I don't like giving someone else control. I don't like not being perfect because then that means that I'm not fully in control of myself. It's a hard battle to fight. Today, for the first time I realized not just with head knowledge, but with heart knowledge, that I can't go on clutching on to things so tightly. I will never be able to hold on forever. I will never be able to control everything I want to control. But, thankfully, that's why I serve a God who is in control, whether I want Him to be sometimes or not. As hard as it is for me to pray for the Lord to take away my pride, it's even harder for me to pray that the Lord will take away my control. But, that's what needs to happen.
Lord, take away my "supposed" control. Control everything in my life because you know best! Change my heart, so that I want you to be in control.

Isaiah 21
Summary- Babylon is going to fall soon. This chapter talks about what that will look like.
My take- v. 9b "and all the carved images of her gods He has broken to the ground." This chapter paints such a good picture of what I imagine the end times to be like. All of the false gods will be torn to the ground. All the mosques and statues of Budah will fall to the ground at the glory of God. There will no longer be any doubt of who God is. The question is, "Do you know Him?" I am so blessed to say that I do know Him and am pumped at that day because I will get to spend eternity in heaven with my Jesus.

Patient

Another thing I wish I were. I am definitely working on it. I am making a conscious effort to be patient with people. I'm just so time motivated that it makes it sooo hard. I just have to keep my reminding myself that people and relationships are more important than time. It sounds like that's easy, but not for me. I am very task driven. Thus, sometimes having to talk to someone for an extra five minutes can start to really frustrate me. It's stupid. I know. But, that's why I have Jesus to rely on. I can't be patient on my own. 2 summers ago as a camp counselor, me and my girls talked about 3 steps to Christianity. #1, accepting Christ into your life. #2, choosing to serve the Lord even when you don't want to aka transforming your actions or outward appearance and #3 transforming the inside, so that you want to serve people instead of feeling like you have to. You can't skip #1 to get to 2 or 3. It's so true. Many times, you aren't going to want to do something, but you still need to choose to do it anyways. Eventually, the closer you get to the Lord, the more natural it will become and you'll want to do those things because you're serving Him.

Isaiah 20
Summary: Sign against Egypt and Ethiopia
My take: Well, this chapter's a bit tough to try to apply it to my life being only 6 verses about what's going to happen to Egypt and Ethiopia, but I do like how it is pointed out how faithful Isaiah has been.
v. 3 "Then the Lord said, "Just as My servant Isaiah has walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign..." Man, I want to be that much of a servant, too. If Isaiah can walk naked and barefoot for three years, I can be patient with my friends. I can love someone I don't feel like loving. I can do it because I am a servant of Christ. It's definitely really humbling to see just how faithful Isaiah was. My pride gets to me a lot and I think that I am this great Christian until you see someone like this and I feel like such dirt comparatively. It just shows we always have growing to do in the Lord. We never arrive. So hard, but so good.

Lord, let me be your servant. Let me serve like Isaiah.

Isaiah 19

Homework just got done and it's 2:30 AM.. such is college life.. so short post tonight since I'm presenting a problem in Abstract Algebra at 9:05.
Isaiah 19:
Summary:Proclamation against Egypt
My take: Throughout these proclamations, the Lord's power is just so very evident. He is powerful and just, yet you still get the sense that He is doing what is right for them. The Lord in the end shows such grace. I need to constantly be reminded how much I need grace. So many times I just feel right in my frustration and pity, and don't see it as sinful. I think I want so badly not to be sinful that I try to look over sins such as these. I've said before that I hate that I'm not perfect. I was actually talking about this in discipleship a few weeks ago and my GCF minister said something so profound that I'll never forget. Being perfect is not not sinning. If it was, we could stay in bed all day and see no one and be perfect. There are days when we can come pretty close in our heads to "not sinning." However, being perfect means loving perfectly. Man, do I have a long way to go in that. There is no confusion there that I'm not perfect.

Lord, thanks for being perfect so I don't have to be. Continue to shower me with your grace and remind me of it.

Tough Decisions

Being an RA the past three years, I've learned a lot of things. I think one of the biggest things I've learned is how to be assertive. Specifically in my role as head RA this year, I've had to be assertive at many times I didn't want to be, but knew I needed to be. Especially this last week, my assertiveness has been put to the test. I still don't particularly like being assertive sometimes specifically when it has to do with confronting issues, but I now know how necessary it is. Now, the key is translating this assertiveness into my walk with the Lord. The Lord calls us to share his Word with all people. Although confronting issues is hard, sharing the Gospel for me even poses a larger challenge. I'm so insecure about it. I always think I don't know enough even though I know that's a lie from Satan. This is definitely something I'm going to work on becoming more bold about.

Isaiah 18:
Summary- proclamation against Ethiopia
My take-
v. 7 "And from a people terrible from their beginning onward." As depressing as this is, it's a great reminder to me that we can't expect non-Christians to act like Christians. We can't expect them to love. We can't expect them to be patient. We can't expect them to even be nice to us. Because from the being after Adam ate the apple, humans were terrible aka we are sinners. I think I forget this so much. I just expect people to always be nice to each other and love each other even when I know they aren't Christians. It's also a good pride reminder to me that I am not inherently good since I have a sinful nature just like everyone else. It's still a constant battle for me that I can never be perfect. I want to be perfect so much, and hate it when I'm not! But, here it says, I'm never going to be perfect since people have been "terrible" since the beginning.

Lord, let me be bold in my faith. Grow me in boldness. Continue to remind me that I don't need to be perfect because you are. Lord, thanks for being so patient with me.

Convicted

Such a good day in the house of the Lord. Over 20 GCFers were there to watch our new sister in Christ, Emily get baptized. I loved the overwhelming sense of community I felt not just from my friends from W&L, but the church as a whole. I love my church family at Lex Bap so much. They love college students so well! They are just what I need while I'm here at school. It doesn't hurt that they feed us 2 homecooked meals every Sunday! That being said, the Lord really convicted me today while Pastor Wilburn spoke. We were in Hebrews and came to the verse about spurring one another on to love and good works. I realized so much today that I have been terrible at loving some of the people I love the most lately. I've been impatient, unconcerned, easily frustrated, and simply uninterested in their lives because I've been so enamored with my own. Yesterday, on the YL prayer retreat, I started to realize just how selfish I am. As I wrote down confessions to the Lord, I seemed to write down more and more ways I was selfish. One of the biggest ways I'm selfish is with my time. I guess so many times I have so little of it that I can call my own that I am soo selfish with it. I want everything planned out, and if it doesn't go according to plan because a friend is a few minutes late even for good reason, I shut down loving people. Thankfully, though, I know my Lord is not finished with me. He is changing me constantly, and this is just a hard thing in my life that needs to be changed.

So, Isaiah 17:
Summary- One of the first proclamations of many against countries. This time, against Syria and Israel
My take-
v. 7 "In that day a man will look to his Maker, and his eyes will have the respect for the Holy One of Israel." I can only imagine how awesome it is going to be to look to our Maker. I see myself just looking straight up at a God I am so in awe of. I feel like that's what I will do when I first see God. I will just stand there, speechless in awe, perhaps even falling to my knees. Despite all the destruction that is to take place to Syria and Israel, God remains. We will still be in awe of Him. I can't wait to be in awe of Him. I am already in awe of Him now. I can't imagine how much more I will be once I see his beautiful face.

Lord, thank you for continuing to change me. It's not easy, but I know it is worth it to be closer to you. Thank you for the wonderful people in my life. Give me love for them this week.

Day in the Life

9:30 AM 1st Alarm Goes Off
9:45 AM 2nd Alarm Goes off and wake up
10:07 AM Arrive in the Commons for Discipleship with Kevin
11:12 AM Go talk to the Deans and set up a time to meet
11:39 AM Head down to DHall for a quick lunch
12:19 PM Arrive in class without my laptop since lunch went longer than expected. Thankfully, Irina gives us 15 minutes to get our laptops
1:40 PM Released early from class, and make the hard decision to go finish homework instead of napping
1:55 PM Talk to professor to make sure my homework is right
2:32 PM Arrive back in room to study, make Feb break flight, check emails, and take back our pink christmas tree that's been sitting in my room for a week
5:00 PM Go talk to an RA
5:30 PM Hall Meeting
6:09 PM Core Group Ridiculousness ensues
6:42 PM DHall dinner at the RA table where interesting conversations always take place
7:22 PM Move tables for large group
7:50 PM Find trivia for large group
8:09 PM Large group starts
9:29 PM Meet to do Abstract HW
10:02 PM Go see "The Social Network," which was one of the most interesting and sad movies I've ever seen
12:12 AM Realize I still need to shower and finish Abstract
12:52 Finish Blogging :)

Isaiah 16:
Summary-Moab finally destroyed because of its evil-ness (yes, i'm making up words)
My take- Although there is so much sorrow and hurt and war going in, God is still God. He is still powerful. He is still in control. I think so many times when our lives are spiraling out of control, we feel alone. Yet, as demonstrated in this passage, God is in control. The Lord is there. The Lord must bring justice even if it means destroying Moab. It will be the same in the end times. He will bring justice to the unjust. Pretty scary to think about actually. We've probably all been unjust at one time or another. Scary, but also comforting to know that He will set everything right!

Streams of Abundance

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
When your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

The Lord has been so abundantly blessing me lately that this verse of "Blessed be Your Name" accurately expresses my life right now. What's even cooler than that He has been blessing me is that I am getting closer and closer to Him as well. So many times when things are going as I want them to, I start to get prideful and worship myself and draw away from the Father. When everything's going well, I feel as though I don't need God. But, right now, I feel so blessed and like I need my God to rejoice with me! God wants to be their in my triumphs not just my sorrows! Basically, my day couldn't have gotten much better. Here's a few reasons why:
1) Woke up feeling pretty rested
2) Wore a dress and felt really cute all day
3) Latin dance freestyle: enough said
4) Best part of the day: quality time with soo many of my favorite people-Sam for lunch, Matt for second part of lunch, Alex and Joan for dinner, some of my current and past residents just hanging out in the commons, Jordy for frisbee, Eric for a leadership chat, Matt, Robert, and Clarke for prayer, finishing off with Abby for prayer and life catch up. I wish every day could be filled with meaningful conversations with this many wonderful people.
5) It snowed A LOT
6) All my activities were cancelled for tonight due to snow!
7) I got a TFA final interview!!!!! Soooo excited!!
8) Pizza Hut pizza
9) Snow Frisbee-there's a first time for everything, right?
10) I prayed a lot today and just really want to spend time with the Lord!

See, how could my day have gotten any better??

Isaiah 15:
Summary- All things are going against Moab
My take- The Lord never guarantees happiness all the time. Things will suck sometimes. Even though, I'm in a really good place with the Lord and friends and family right now, I still know that there will be sorrow in my life. As much as I try to stay cautious and avoid sorrow at all costs, it will never be completely avoided. Sometimes this plays against me. I am so scared of being hurt that it sometimes doesn't allow me to let me be all of me. I'm goofy. I'm silly. I'm crazy when I'm hyper. Somehow I think if I let all of me out, I would be hurt. But no, God loves all of me, even though I continue to sin everyday. He loves me because He made me. How beautiful is that? No matter what I do, God will continue to love me.

Lord, thanks for your streams of abundance. Let me praise your name when your streams flow with abundance and completely dry up.

Feeling Good

Today was a great day. No specific reason or event that occurred. I just really felt on top of things today. I feel like it's the start of me really being productive and liking it. I worked ahead on homework, got my car fixed, which I'd been needing to for a while (and it only cost $20, PTL!), did work study for 2 hours, talked to my advisor about taking spring option (and i'm officially eligible for it, yesss! hello tubing and hanging out every day spring term!), went to RUF, watched the State of the Union and did a session of Zumba (which I'm offically in love with). And, I'm doing this without my accountability friend telling me to!! Thank you Lord for answering my prayers for motivation!! Also, can I just say prayer works?? A friend also prayed for discipline and motivation for me the other night while we praying together. God listens!!
And, Isaiah 14:
Summary- The oppression and sorrow will cease in the end days, the terrible-ness of Lucifer, and multiple nations destroyed
My take-
I love that this chapter more focuses on the emotional side of the end times. Specifically, verse 3:
"It shall come to pass in the day the Lord gives you rest from your sorrow, and from your fear and the hard bondage in which you were made to serve." This is such good reassurance to know that although, we go through a lot here on this earth, all trials will end when we get to Heaven! This is definitely a verse I'm gonna turn back to when I'm in the midst of a lot of school work to do. I feel like that's when I feel most tied up in "bondage."
And, guess what I'm gonna talk about next? Surprise.. God's power! With Babylon and Assyria and Philistia being destroyed, once again God's power is showcased. I definitely am starting to see a trend of God's power on display in Isaiah. Either it is, or I just like to pull out any little thing about His power because it's one of my favorite attributes of God.
I think that perhaps the reason power is one of my favorite traits is because I absolutely hate feeling powerless. I can remember feeling powerless to change how I looked in middle school and hating it. I remember feeling powerless in high school when my softball coach wouldn't play me and hating it. I remember feeling powerless in college freshmen and sophomore year not having dates to date functions and hating it. I hate feeling powerless, so I love that since God is with me and I know him, I can also be powerful!! Even through all these situations, eventually I did feel powerful. The Lord definitely used these powerless situations to rely on His power. I think God does that. He sometimes showcases our weaknesses to force us to rely on Him when we wouldn't naturally. I can tell you in my own life, that's definitely been great for me. Sucked at the time of course, but in the long run, I'm very thankful.

Lord, thank you for bringing so many people out of bondage in so many different ways. Thank you for being powerful, so I don't remain powerless.

Still Needing Accountability

As much as I'd like to say I'm writing this blog because I wanted to, I can't. Thankfully, I've got a great friend still keeping me accountable to blogging. I really am thankful for that. It is not easy getting back into a habit especially when you don't feel like it. But, here I am blogging because the Lord is faithful to me by providing me with accountability. Great day today, though! I'm really tired, but it was quite productive! 5 Hours of Class, then errands, smoothies with Julie (yummm!!), srat dinner and chapter, 2nd dinner and planning for our semester of YL (who doesn't love two dinners, right??), finished off by Zumba with Kristin and homework.
Isaiah 13:
Summary- The Lord is gonna destroy all of the evil things of this world in the end
My take- As I've talked a lot about how much I love the Lord's power lately, this passage puts his power in a whole different persepective. His power actually makes me fear Him a lot here. It talks about destroying land and shaking the heavens and just things only God can do. God is to be feared, definitely an affirmation of my blog the other day. I am learning more each day how much I need to fear God because of His awesome power.
v. 11-"I will halt the arrogance of the proud."
This may be the first time in a while that I didn't automatically feel convicted about this passage. The Lord has been working in my heart a lot lately with pride. I don't feel near as prideful as I did just two weeks ago. Thank goodness because I was getting pretty obnoxious! While I still have a lot of PRIDE, I am thankful for the way the Lord is working on it. I just needed to make sure I don't fall back into the vicious cycle I tend to get in where I feel really prideful and then, start to doubt myself and abilities. I serve a God bigger than that.

Lord, continue to mold me. Let me fear you because you rule the heavens and the earth. Thank you for being in control.

Praising His Name

Such a great weekend of relaxation and fun with so many of my ResLifers! Friday, watched a movie about Esther with my small group, went on-call, went to Waho with Robert, Matt, and SoRelle, and went on-call again. Saturday, slept in, had my TFA interview (which went really well!), ate DHall brunch, bridesmaid dress shopping with Anna and Kristin, Dinner at the Bistro with Rachel, her dad and grandfather (who are absolutely hilarious), my first ever session of Zumba on the wii with 5 other ResLife girls, No Strings Attached with ResLife girls and Rachel, followed by another Waho trip, and finishing with midnight light-up frisbee on Cannan Green with Jordy, Alston, Alex, Emily, Kerriann, and Aubri. Basically, I had the best weekend ever.

Isaiah 12:
Summary- We will all praise Him in the end
My take- I can't wait for that day. It is going to be so sweet. All of the people on this earth that said God wasn't real or that there are multiple Gods or anything else will be set in their tracks. They will be in awe of our Creator.
v. 2: "Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid." This is so comforting to me. It's always good to be reminded that God is my salvation and not any of the works I do here on earth. And because of Him saving me, I can be free of fear. I need to be constantly reminded of this. Fear is something that tends to creep into my life many times when I least expect it. Thankfully, the Lord lately has really calmed my most recent large fear of where I'll be and what I'll be doing next year. Do I know where I'll be or what I'll be doing? Absolutely not. Do I know that God's going to be with me and has a beautiful plan for my life? Yes.

This Chapter was just a great reminder to always be praising the Lord. It's easy to forget. It reminds me of a great song:
"Let everything that. Let everything that. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise Him in the morning. Praise Him in the evening. Praise Him when I'm young and when I'm old. Praise Him when I'm laughing. Praise Him when I'm crying. Praise Him every season of my soul..."

Lord, may I never forget that praising you is what I'm made for!

Accountability is So Sweet

Clearly, I have not been doing so well on keeping up with my resolutions. Thankfully, I have a great friend, who checks in on me, and is keeping me accountable to keep them up. It's so silly really for me not to spend time with the Lord. I know from so many past experiences how sweet it is when I do. In my discipling meeting today, we talked about Malachi and people giving lame sacrifices instead of the best they had. I realized that that's what I'm doing with my quiet times. I'm giving a lame sacrifice of five minutes to read maybe a chapter of my Bible. From now on, I want to give the best sacrifice. I don't want to give half of me, but all of me. So, here you go, Lord. I am pumped I get to spend this time with you. So, back on track,
Isaiah 11:
Summary-Everything will be perfect in Heaven with Jesus, all the things that on earth do not get along will be in harmony including animals, countries, people, everything and everyone.
My take-
v.2: "The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him, The Spirit of wisdom and understanding, The Spirit of counsel and might, The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord."
I absolutely love that I will get to be wise and understand everything and be mighty and knowledgeable and truly fear the Lord when I see Him in heaven all because I am His. I can't wait to be with Him!! It's gonna be soo sweet!
v.3: "His delight is in the fear of the Lord. And he shall not jedge by the sight of His eyes."
Wow! Such a hard thing for me. I feel like I understand God's love for me more than I understand how important is for me to have a healthy fear of the Lord. I love that the word delight is used here not only because it is truly one of my favorite words, but because it's used in the same sentence as fear. Fear and delight don't usually belong together. However, the way I see it the reason we delight in fear is because we get to delight in the fact that we serve such a powerful God!! While His power should be feared, I definitely appreciate it as well. I love that when I'm going through something tough, He has the power to overcome it so easily.
the rest: I love that God is gonna set everything back into harmony again. This passage has such beautiful and powerful imagery about just how that's gonna look. For example, "and the weaned child shall put his hand in the viper's den."

If you haven't figured out yet, I'm a HUGE fan of my God being so powerful. One of my favorite songs right now describes how I feel about it really beautifully,
"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, Who could stand against? Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God, you are higher than any other."
I couldn't have said it better myself. Take that world. Noone can stop me because my God is for me!!

Lord, thanks for your power. Thanks for the way you're gonna set everything in harmony again in Heaven. Teach me to not only love your power, but fear it as well.

Loving Life

So, today I had the honor of giving the invocation at the Founders' Day convocation. The Lord was definitely with me and this was one of the first times I've ever spoken publicly and my voice not shaken. Praise the Lord! Because I wasn't allowed to talk about Jesus or God, I chose to talk about blessings. That way, I know I'm still talking about the blessings from Jesus and still gets my point across without upsetting any of the faculty. As I went on about my day, I continued to notice blessing after blessing.
-the beauty of Lee Chapel
-an interesting politics class
-homework that I thought was due wasn't
-great work study environment
-sweet small group time
-awesome individual time with 11 of the RAs
-legit talks with friends
-the love between girls on my hall

I could go on and on, but the point is. I'm blessed. Immensely.
"The blessing of the Lord makes one rich." Proverbs 10:22
Clearly, I am so rich! Thank you, Jesus!

In My Element

That's where I've been and why I haven't posted for the past week. I literally have been going 24/7 with all of the facets of rush week that I can't believe that I've only been back here for a week. It feels like I've been back for an eternity. Why was I in my element? Because I was dealing with crisis after crisis this week from girls that didn't get into sororities they wanted to rho gams that were unsure about their girls. I have felt so needed this past week, and I love that. I feel closer to the girls on my hall this year than I ever have as an RA for 3 years, and I feel so blessed with where the Lord has put me. It's the getting back to homework that I haven't done because of rush week that is not so fun...

So, back on track, Isaiah 10
Summary: God's judgment on Assyria
My take: Reading this immediately made me think about last summer. Caring for the forgotten, invisible, and hated. That's what this is calling us to do. He says woe to those who don't. Before last summer, I knew academically the knowledge that we should love the widow, the poor, etc., but I had never made that heart knowledge because of all of the politics we hear about homeless people being lazy and dishonest. and so on. But, the Lord doesn't say love the poor if they are hardworking and honest. He says just love the poor, meaning no matter what. It's hard a lot of the things the Lord calls us to do. It's not comfortable or fun many times, but it doesn't matter. If he calls us to do it, we must abide. Therefore, I am going to choose to love the poor, love the forgotten, and love the hated. Here on campus that looks very different than in inner-city Houston, but it's all the same, loving people.

Lord, let me love people well here on campus for the last 4 months I'm here no matter if it makes me uncomfortable or anything else. Thanks for loving me even when I'm not very lovable.

Home Sweet College

Even as of this morning, I was still a little weary about coming back here. It's always such a mix of emotions, but the Lord calmed that as soon as I walked into DHall tonight. Before I even sat down, I knew I was at home, my college home. As I went to sat down, I sat down next to probably many of the people that I will not only be best friends this year, but for the rest of my life. Eating and chatting and laughing made me realize why I love this place so much, not because of it's physical location, but because of the beautiful, wonderful people the Lord has brought into my life here. I call it home sweet college :)

And, even though I'm tired tonight, I am determined to keep up my resolutions, so here's Isaiah 9
Summary: Foreshadowing of Christ's birth and the Punishment of Samaria
My take: The only time I've heard the phrases that are in verse 6 are from the New Testament, so I think it's so cool that they are here, too to again prove the validity of the Bible. It says, "And His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." I love that he's powerful. I love that he comforts me. I love that he's my daddy. I love that he brings peace. I love that he's all. Who knew that Isaiah held these powerful words about a King that is born in the New Testament?

Lord, thanks for being wonderful and mighty and father and so many other things to you. I pray you remind me of that daily and that you reveal these things to this campus. Thank you for guiding me to a college where I am able to love and be loved well.

Ready

8 and a half hours before my flight takes off from Houston (that is if this terrible weather disappears) I am feeling ready to take on Lexington and school. Today was just what I needed. From getting a bright pink manicure with mom and black light mini golf with the fam to a lazy afternoon nap and packing with Omar, it was perfect. It was great closure to a great break. As my flight leaves takes tomorrow, I can know that I left feeling good about my time at home having the best balance of family, friend, and alone time.

Also, I'm excited because today marks my 7th straight day of doing all my New Year's Resolutions! They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so that means I'm 1/3 of the way there! It definitely is becoming easier and easier especially with my quiet times and only drinking 2 cokes a day.

With that, Isaiah 8
Summary: Prophecy that Assyria will invade the land and then what it truly means to fear God

My take: First, I was so excited reading this first part because I've known the useless fact that Mahershalalhashbaz is the longest name in the Bible for years, but I've never actually read about him! Here he is in Isaiah 8! Then, there is a lot I really like about the second part of the passage.

I love verse 13b , "Let Him be your fear, and let Him be your dread." I have to say I'm a pretty fearful person. I fear my future. I fear going and talking to people I don't know. I fear not being good enough. But, this is so cool that the Lord is basically saying, "Don't fear all that other stuff. I'll take care of it. Fear me." In so many of our "feel good" churches today, they tiptoe around fearing God and just talk about his love, but I think the fear of God is important to understanding His love. He is all powerful, all knowing, all powerful, and that is pretty scary because He can do whatever he wants to you, but that's also the reason He can love you like noone else can. No human in our own power can love people perfectly because we don't have the power, but God does! How beautiful is that?

Then, there's verse 17, which I have a love-hate relationship with. It says, "And I will wait on the Lord...And I will hope in Him." As i said in an earlier post, I tend not to be a very patient person. Thus, I don't like waiting at all especially when it comes to my future. I want to have every second of my life planned out 5 years in advance. I'm a planner by nature, so it kills me not knowing right now even where I'll be next year. I know, though, that the second part of this verse is what keeps me sane. Because I know my Lord has plans to prosper me, while I wait, I wait expectantly. I wait with great anticipation of just what awesome plans the Lord has for me, knowing that even though I can't picture it right now, the Lord's plans for me are so much better than my own! I have a hope and that's why I can wait.. maybe not patiently, but we're working on that one.

Lord, keep me safe as I fly back tomorrow. Bless this next week. Give the campus a calm and peace that only comes from you.

Feeling Inbetween

It's always hard in these last few days at home before I go back to school. I don't really know how to feel. On one hand, I'm sad to leave the lazy lifestyle of watching lots of TV and being taken care of by my parents, but on the other hand, I am really excited to go back and see everyone at school and feel useful again. I just feel really inbetween right now since I go back Sunday to the craziness that is rush week. I'm just trying to soak up everything that is home in these last 30 hours here. Tomorrow will be really good for that since it's my big brother's birthday and we're going to play black light mini golf and having a family lunch at Friday's. I guess I'm glad I feel like this, though, because it means I love both of my "homes" a lot.

And, now my study of Isaiah 7:
Summary- Isaiah is sent to King Ahaz and then a prophecy of Christ's birth
My take: This passage really confirms how real the Lord is. There was a prophecy all the way back in Isaiah and then it actually comes true in the New Testament! Pretty sweet! I also love in verse 12 that Ahaz says, "I will not ask, nor will I test the Lord!" In our society so many times people "test" the Lord by asking the Lord for something and saying they'll come back to Him if he does a certain thing. This is so silly because our God is so much bigger than that! He is the teacher and we are the students! The students don't test the teacher. That's not how it works. The Lord is real no matter if he shows you a sign or not, bottom line.

Lord, I pray that I always am reminded of how real you are. Let it never become dull that you are alive and you are God!

O happy day!

Wow! The Lord is so good to me. After all that insecurities talk two days ago, the Lord has answered my prayers about that in HUGE ways already. While two days ago, I was feeling lonely and almost friendless at home, today I got to have such fun,sweet community with literally all my favorite people at home. It started off with lunch with mom, then second lunch where I didn't actually eat with Liz and Kristina catching up on Liz's newfound married life, then dinner with my cousin, Elyssa who I hadn't seen in over a year (can I just say it's so wonderful to have family that even though you don't see very often, you can start up just where you left off?), a hilarious time of dessert at Chili's with Brittany and Jilian, and finished off with late night basketball with my favorite boys Austin, Omar, Steven, and Tyler. What a wonderful day where I felt so loved and had an absolute blast every second! God is good. And the best part is as soon as I got home I felt like reading Isaiah!!

Isaiah 6:
Summary- Isaiah's vision in the temple, the Lord's declaration of the blindness that is to come for the Jewish nation, and the destruction which will follow
My take- I love the imagery in the first part. It just describes so majestically the Lord sitting on His throne. It really brings out that God is King and ruler of the earth. As cliche as it may be, I absolutely love verse 8, "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here I am! Send me!" I love that despite all the wickedness that is going on, somebody has to step up to help overcome it. The best part is Isaiah's response, not only in its words, but also how quickly he responds with no doubt. I want to respond to the Lord like that. I want this year to be the year that I stop saying, I'll go if you send me to the places I want to go, but I'll go where you want me to go. I'll go to Washington if that's where He has or even to Japan. I want to be where the Lord wants me.

Lord, thanks for being so good to me even when I'm not good to you. Thanks for being so generous and merciful on me!

Woman of Prayer

So, I wish I were one. I also wish I was patient, understanding, non-judgmental, and many other things. These are all traits that i'm constantly striving to become, although not easy. One of my biggest goals beyond these, though, is to be a woman of prayer. I want prayer to so consume my life that I can't help, but talk to everyone about what I'm praying about and how God has answered prayer. That's one of the reasons I really want to be diligent with prayer journal again is to start me on the journey to becoming a woman of prayer and eventually, a woman of the Lord. Right now, I'd definitely still consider myself a girl of the Lord. I have SO much growing to do. I know I always will, but in my head, I have this magic formula as to what a woman of the Lord is that I want to achieve. There are just certain women that I see, and am just like, "Wow! That is a woman after the Lord's own heart!" I want to be that SOOOOO badly!

Speaking of answered prayer, the Lord definitely answered my prayers about my insecurities yesterday. One of the biggest reasons my insecurities crept in was because I had texted a few people without response from them. (Silly reason to become insecure I know, but I couldnt' help it.) Come to find out today that all of the text messages I sent/are sending are not going through plus one of my best friends tried to call me and my phone never showed the call! Thus, my little insecurities were actually just a phone malfunction. Thanks, Lord for answering my prayers!

And now, Isaiah 5:
Summary: I'll be real, I'm still a little confused about what's going on. From what I understand, the first part is about a vineyard that is supposed to grow well, but ends up growing wild grapes instead. I think this is symbolism for the house of Israel, but I'll check up on it and find out by tomorrow. The second part is about the danger in excess of anything whether it be wine or possessions or any other thing.

My take: From the vineyard, the Lord has the power to do whatever He pleases and our actions will have consequences on judgment day. From the second part, I really like this because it somewhat speaks to my questions about how much is too much. It's basically saying things in themselves are not evil, but things when they are completely unneeded and cause pride are not good. Probably my favorite verse is verse 20,
"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"
What this has to do with the excess issue is that we deceive ourselves into thinking that if a little is okay, then a lot is okay as well. These days, we're hearing so many mixed messages on what is "good" and what is "light" that we need to make sure our definition of good or light comes straight from the Lord and His word and not our own conceptions.

Well, that's all I've got today. I'll try to research Isaiah 6 a little better to see if my take is along the right lines or not.

Lord, thanks for a joyful day today.

P.S. Update on the New Year's Resolutions: Today I ran 3 miles, played tennis, had only 1 coke, and have no completed my chapter in the Bible and blog!

Insecurities

So, tonight I was actually feeling more like starting my quiet time than the last two nights, which is definitely a blessing. Thanks Lord!

Isaiah 4: Really short and sweet
Summary: Finally, the renewal of Zion and how beautiful and glorious it will be once the Lord has washed away all the filth
My take: I can't wait for all of my filth to be taken away, and the glory of the Lord to completely take over my life. I can't wait for Him to take away all of these little insecurities that started to creep back into my life these past few days. I guess it comes with being home alone since the parents are back at work and having a lot of time to myself to think. I tend to get myself into trouble when I think too much on my own. I overanalyze everything. I know these insecurities are natural and the Lord is in control of them (praise the Lord or else I'd be doomed), but it doesn't make it any easier. The longer since high school graduation the less interaction I have with high school friends, and the less they seem to care. I know it's just that we're growing apart especially since I've been in Virginia, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just miss those high school days sometimes when I'd be called as soon as I woke up as to the plan for the day. I'd always have people to hang out with. Don't get me wrong. I still have some great high school friends that I cherish a lot and always will, but it's just a different kind of relationship now. Also, it's a blessing in a disguise. I've had the most quality time with my parents, especially my mom, these nights since I'm not going to hang out with friends like I used to. It's at a time like this that I am so happy the glory of the Lord is going to take over my overanalytical mind, and cover it in His glory and majesty.

Lord, continue to remind me that I am loved because I am yours and that your love is the ultimate love. Let me be content in you, even when I'm not feeling content in my circumstances. Thank you for your neverending love!

Taken

Yet another night where I didn't really want to start my quiet time because this time I'm really tired, but thankfully, the Lord has given me discipline despite. I'll be real. When I first read Isaiah 3, I wasn't really sure what it was about or how I could get anything from it. So, I read it, took a shower, and now just reread it and actually like and understand it.

Isaiah 3
Summary: the Lord will judge in the end and anything we have here will be taken away
My take: The Lord will take away anything and everything when people don't follow Him. The Lord is definitely not about showiness.
"In that day the Lord will take away the finery; the jingling anklets, the scarves, and the crescents; The pendants, the bracelets, and the veils..." v. 18, 19
So, I love to shop. I have a lot of things. Do I think the Lord is against having scarves or bracelets, etc? Absolutely not. What I think He's against is letting those things become idols in our lives. This verse is a great reminder that when the Lord comes back, all of the material things we have will be taken away, but it won't matter at ALL because we'll be with the Lord. This idea is something I'm still battling with. What is enough? I know it's all about the heart, but it's really hard to accurately judge your own heart sometimes. Is it okay to want a new dress just because even though I don't need one? I know I could give that money to someone else. It definitely makes me think a lot. I've gotten to the point where I don't buy expensive things anymore, but do I even need the things I do buy? I probably toil with this more than I should because I want there to be one set answer, but unfortunately, there's not one. This issue will probably something I try to figure out my whole life. All together, all of these things we have on earth will mean nothing, so focus less on the things here and more on God.

Lord, give me discernment in this issue. Amen.

He is Mighty

So, I'll be honest with you. Tonight I didn't really want to start my quiet time. I wanted to continue playing Boggle, but I know that my walk with the Lord is many times about discipline and not what I want to do. So, here I am having read Isaiah 2 and feeling good about it.

Isaiah 2-
Summary: Talks about the day the Lord comes back, Part 1-Everyone will soon exalt the Lord, Part 2-what that day is going to look like when the Lord comes back starting with all of the people worshiping themselves and ending in Him fully being glorified and idols being taken away.

My Take:
Part 1- How sweet is it that every person in this world will exalt His name that day? When reading this, I also thought about people who don't believe in a God. What are they gonna feel like when they are exalting God? What harm would it do them believing in a God? Really, what are they getting out of believing Godlessness? Well, I just realized what they are getting is selfishness. With no God, they can fully focus on self. No thanks. If I had to focus on myself, I think I'd just get frustrated with how imperfect I am. In fact, that happens to me often. I start focusing too much on myself, and get frustrated when I'm not perfect. Newsflash, I'll never be perfect. I know that, but I still don't like it.

Part 2-
"Their land is also full of idols; They worship the work of their own hands, That which their own fingers have made." v. 8
Woa! This hit home. How often do I marvel at what I've done? Sadly, I do that a lot. If I get an A on a test, I feel really good at myself and marvel at how good I am. Rarely do I say, "Man, God! Thanks so much for giving me an A on this test!" I definitely will have to start doing more marveling at God and not myself. He is the one that made me, so any good that comes from me is His, even a good grade.
Along with pride,
"The loftiness of man shall be bowed down, And the haughtiness of men shall be brought low. The Lord will be exalted in that day" v. 17
Even the most exalted person on this earth will be nothing compared to the Lord when He comes back. All this pride I have here will completely be stripped of me because the Lord will be exalted and no one else. Again, it's a tough pill to swallow. I've actually been thinking a lot about this lately because after this year, I will again go from being a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in the big pond of life. I have felt very on top of the world many times this year with being in a lot of leadership positions. It scares me that next year I won't be leading anything, except maybe a classroom of middle schoolers, and even then, they'll probably be leading me. I'll be honest. I like being in authority. I like being the leader. I just have to be really careful to make sure that's not where my identity and contentness is coming from. That's part of the reason I know I really need to grow in the Lord in the next 5 months because I don't want to feel this huge drop next year. I just need to keep reminding myself that no matter what authority position I'm in or not in, the Lord is the ultimate authority and I can be joyful and content because He is my authority.

"From the terror of the Lord and the glory of His majesty." v. 10 and 19
So many times these days, we just talk about the love side of Jesus and not the fear side. Yes, Jesus is loving. In fact, the most loving being you'll ever meet. But, I love that this passage talks about the "terror" of the Lord. We all will be terrified when the Lord comes back because he is God!! He is the all-knowing, omnipresent being! That is pretty terrifying, but exciting at the same time! To me, this just demonstrates his power. Powerful is probably my favorite attribute of God. I like them all, but I love that because God is with me, I am more powerful than anyone or any situation on its own. Check this out in verse 21, "When He arises to shake the earth mightily." You can't get much more powerful than that! Also, I can't wait to see what His majesty looks like in all His glory!! I can't wait!! It's gonna be the most amazing and beautiful thing ever!!

Lord, mold me into the woman of the Lord you want me to be. I pray for growth these next 5 months in a way I can't even imagine. I pray you bring me to my knees. I pray you make me a woman of prayer. Lord, thank you for this journey!

Starting with Isaiah

So, as part of my New Year's Resolution, I am going to read a chapter of the Bible every day and blog about it on here to process through it starting with Isaiah. The reason I'm doing this is because I've never been good at comprehending what I'm reading. Thus, even after being in church my whole life, attending small groups weekly, and leading Bible studies, I have very little knowledge of the Bible. I've learned how to not comprehend, but pick out a verse or two that I like and apply it to my life to sound really good in small groups or Sunday School. I don't want to be this way any more, I want to know the Word, not just act like I do.

Isaiah 1:
Summary: It's a lot about how sinful people have become and how terrible that is, and then towards the end, it talks about how the Lord can wash all of this terrible-ness.

My take:
Fight against evil. Let the Lord wash you of sin. Don't hold onto it. Let the Lord forgive you.

"Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor, Defend the fatherless, plead for the widow." v. 17
This directly relates to a HUGE area of growth in my walk with the Lord in the past year through my summer with CSM. I finally see that doing the Lord's work is not always peaceful, and we really do need to seek justice even when you must fight for what is just. We need to stand up for people that can't stand up for themselves. Seeking justice is perhaps the thing I'm still learning most about. Being a math person, I like things right and wrong and if you tell me how something is, I take that and run. Thus, I have always just believed what I've heard about the way we treat certain groups of people as justice. In particular, I never challenged the fact that homeless people are not all just bums who don't want to work. Boy was I wrong! The Lord in fact calls us to fight for them! Seek justice for them! Yes, there are plenty of homeless people who are bums, but that's not all of them!

"Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow;" v. 18a
I didn't realize until I read the commentary in my Bible that that is the Lord personally inviting us to come reason things out with him. Basically, he's inviting us to talk over our life with Him. How sweet is that?!? Even more so, he's inviting us to share our sin with Him, so he can free us from it and make it "white as snow." Lately, my prayer life has been down the drain. My prayers have consisted of rushed meal time prayers or asking for safety for people. Those aren't bad, but He wants to share my life, not just 10 minutes a day! I vow now to pray way more often than that. How much better will life be? I can't wait to see what the Lord does when I'm in constant communication with Him about my life.

O, Happy Day that I get to go talk with Jesus now!
In His Arms, C