"By the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:21
I clung onto this verse so tightly today as I talked to David. I prayed with David that the Lord would transform his body and rid it of an addiction that has filled it for over 30 years.
Two of the other interns and I had the awesome opportunity to serve and hang out with the guys at Open Door Mission this morning. When I walked out to the courtyard, I sat down next to David. He was quietly awaiting his bed assignment shortly after being admitted to the Open Door drug rehab program. He had been at ODM since 5 AM waiting to be the first admittee of the morning. The sweat dripped down his cheeks as the Houston sun beat down. As I listened, my heart ached with every sentence he spoke, which became his story, the story of David.
David grew up with the typical dreams of having a good job, marrying a beautiful wife, and raising a loving family. When he was 18 years old, he was drafted into the military to go fight in the Vietnam War. He served his time in the Army for 3 years in the rough jungles of Vietnam. By the end of 3 years, he had become an alcoholic attempting to erase all of the gruesome things he had witnessed. Soon after he returned from Vietnam, he married, had a child, and moved to Germany when he was stationed there. He had a beautiful wife, baby girl, and a wonderful best friend in his platoon in Germany. He still battled alcoholism, but was recovering well until one terrible night. Upon returning home after work one day, he walked in on his wife and his best friend sleeping together while his baby girl slept just a few feet away. That night changed his life forever. He felt as if his whole life was destroyed. He turned back to the alcohol and started doing cocaine. The next 30 years have been a blur he says. He's gone through four wives, been homeless for the last 10 years, and is still heavily addicted to crack.
David really made me think. If tragic events like his happened to me, would I still be following the Lord and keeping the faith? Would I be in David's exact predicament? I'd like to say I hope not, but at the same time I can barely hold it together when I'm stressed out about exams.
Thankfully, our God proclaims that He can transform our lives, not matter what state they are in. This is my hope and prayer for David. I love that we serve a God that is just that powerful. When all things seem hopeless, He is always our hope.
Lord, I cry out for my brother David. Transform his life. Take hold of his heart, God. Grab onto his desire for alcohol and cocaine and throw it far, far away from him. Thank you, Lord, for being a powerful God that transform lives.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Junior High=passion of my heart
This last week, 65 junior highers came to call CSM-Houston their home for a week. While many in people in our world can't stand junior highers, I absolutely love them and all of their craziness. From the first ten minutes Sunday night where it sounded like a herd of elephants had moved into our site to the last hour where they were excited about scrubbing toilets, I loved every second of my week with them. It just made me remember how much of a heart I have for junior highers. I loved the way 7th grade girls played basketball in the rain with 20 kids voluntarily. I loved the way they sang ridiculous songs in the van to and from ministry sites. I loved the way they held the children of Ujima. I loved their joyful hearts making hygiene kits at SEARCH. I loved hearing profound God moments and hilarious irrelevant stories that went on forever each day during debriefs. I loved the way they copied my every dance move at the Harbor Light choir concert. I loved the hilarious moments that junior high boys create by throwing trash cans down stairs and scaring junior high girls by shooting empty airsoft guns in the vents of the showers. Above all, I love the way the Lord works in junior highers lives. I love seeing the huge change the Lord can have in a junior higher's life.
Lord, thank you for junior highers and all the fun they are.
Lord, thank you for junior highers and all the fun they are.
Daughter before Servant
man.. this is so hard for me to remember sometimes..
I am a doer. I like getting things done. Therefore, I am always concerned with what needs to be done, how it needs to be done, and when it is going to get done. This summer working with CSM is great for me because I get to do a lot of things that directly help people. I hang out with homeless people, serve meals, play with children, and lots of other stuff. I get to DO a lot. But because I'm serving so much, I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord wants me to know him before He wants me to serve Him. This is so hard for me because getting to know the Lord many times involves very little doing.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
I have a hard time being still, little own being still and listening to the Lord. Because I'm a doer and a planner, my mind is constantly going even if I am physically still. This is something I constantly struggle with. I know and have experienced how awesome stillness is with the Lord. Yet, I still rarely am still. I somehow rationalize in my head that if I'm serving the Lord, I'm also getting to know Him. Sometimes, this is true. However, if there is no one on one time with the Lord, I'm not serving the Lord, I'm merely serving people.
Lord, help me be still and seek your face above all else.
I am a doer. I like getting things done. Therefore, I am always concerned with what needs to be done, how it needs to be done, and when it is going to get done. This summer working with CSM is great for me because I get to do a lot of things that directly help people. I hang out with homeless people, serve meals, play with children, and lots of other stuff. I get to DO a lot. But because I'm serving so much, I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord wants me to know him before He wants me to serve Him. This is so hard for me because getting to know the Lord many times involves very little doing.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
I have a hard time being still, little own being still and listening to the Lord. Because I'm a doer and a planner, my mind is constantly going even if I am physically still. This is something I constantly struggle with. I know and have experienced how awesome stillness is with the Lord. Yet, I still rarely am still. I somehow rationalize in my head that if I'm serving the Lord, I'm also getting to know Him. Sometimes, this is true. However, if there is no one on one time with the Lord, I'm not serving the Lord, I'm merely serving people.
Lord, help me be still and seek your face above all else.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Cycles
We talk about it a lot. The cycle of poverty this. The cycle of poverty that. We talk about how terrible it is, how hard it is to get out of, and we keep trying to think of more ways for people to escape it. This whole summer I am working with many people who are trapped in the cycle of poverty. My heart breaks for them as I learn more and more about how awesome a lot of these individuals are. But, what about us? Are we in a cycle, too?
I was reminded of this by one of the sweetest men in my group, who is affectionately known as PawPaw to most. During our routine lunch yesterday while sitting under a shade tree, he started talking and I started listening. He said probably one of the most profound things I've heard in a long time. After we visited the Harbor Light Salvation Army center yesterday, he realized that we, too, as middle class individuals are caught in the cycle of pushing the homeless away. Since 1861, when Salvation Army was started, people have been pushing the homeless away from the church. This was the very reason the SA was created because the church wasn't helping them, so somebody needed to. It's still the same today in many churches. If a homeless person walked into a church today, would they be welcomed with open arms? Sadly, probably not. It just makes you think, what vicious cycle are you caught in? Sometimes this perspective can change everything. That was certainly the case for me yesterday.
I was reminded of this by one of the sweetest men in my group, who is affectionately known as PawPaw to most. During our routine lunch yesterday while sitting under a shade tree, he started talking and I started listening. He said probably one of the most profound things I've heard in a long time. After we visited the Harbor Light Salvation Army center yesterday, he realized that we, too, as middle class individuals are caught in the cycle of pushing the homeless away. Since 1861, when Salvation Army was started, people have been pushing the homeless away from the church. This was the very reason the SA was created because the church wasn't helping them, so somebody needed to. It's still the same today in many churches. If a homeless person walked into a church today, would they be welcomed with open arms? Sadly, probably not. It just makes you think, what vicious cycle are you caught in? Sometimes this perspective can change everything. That was certainly the case for me yesterday.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Mindblowing
Then he said to them all, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:23-24
One of the most mindblowing and emotional days I've had in a long time, but so needed and so good. I had the full range of emotions today: from angry, confused, and sad to hopeful, joyful, and giddy.
Confused because of some awesome time we spent with a man that absolutely radiates Christ, Jim. He completely boggled my mind about being successful and how suffering is actually needed and a great thing. He was once CEO of a company, had everything the world says should make us happy, and then lost it all, and is now probably in my top 5 of Godliest people I have ever met. His wreckage turned out so beautiful. Now, I wonder if I need to go through some suffering and pain to experience the beautiful other side. I've been comfortable my whole life and have experienced little to no suffering. At the same time though, my earthly mind doesn't want suffering. So, now what do I do with this?
Sad for one of my fellow interns and the hurt she is going through, but thankful that the Lord has started to soften my hurt, so the things that hurt other people and the Lord are breaking my heart as well. This was a HUGE breakthrough for me. I usually don't feel for other people at all.
Mad because we discussed human trafficking today. I was more angry today than I have been in a long time. I had no idea what a huge issue it is and especially angry that people in our world can be so evil to enslave people and especially sexually enslave small children. Disgusting and gross and it made me absolutely angry. I wanted to get up right then and go punch one of the pimps that enslaves girls.
Hopeful that the Lord can help me discern through all of this information I am processing and hopeful that He can completely eliminate human trafficking. Joyful because the Lord moved in HUGE ways in our group today. Walls were broken down. Bonds were strengthened. Lives are changing.
Joyful that I am blessed to be with such an honest and open group who will be vulnerable.
Giddy after a fantastic light-hearted night including the Hobbit Cafe (which was delicious), an Astros game where they actually won, dancing and singing in the van on the way back to housing, and finally a mini-salsa dance lesson from Sarah, our communications director!
All in all, it scares me so much that I am going to continually have to fight against myself to really see what God has for me this summer, but at the same time, I'm excited to see how His glory and perfect provision for my life turns out!
Lord, thank you for vulnerability and inperfections. Thank you for loving us through wreckage. Continue to remind me that I am not perfect, but don't need to be because you are.
One of the most mindblowing and emotional days I've had in a long time, but so needed and so good. I had the full range of emotions today: from angry, confused, and sad to hopeful, joyful, and giddy.
Confused because of some awesome time we spent with a man that absolutely radiates Christ, Jim. He completely boggled my mind about being successful and how suffering is actually needed and a great thing. He was once CEO of a company, had everything the world says should make us happy, and then lost it all, and is now probably in my top 5 of Godliest people I have ever met. His wreckage turned out so beautiful. Now, I wonder if I need to go through some suffering and pain to experience the beautiful other side. I've been comfortable my whole life and have experienced little to no suffering. At the same time though, my earthly mind doesn't want suffering. So, now what do I do with this?
Sad for one of my fellow interns and the hurt she is going through, but thankful that the Lord has started to soften my hurt, so the things that hurt other people and the Lord are breaking my heart as well. This was a HUGE breakthrough for me. I usually don't feel for other people at all.
Mad because we discussed human trafficking today. I was more angry today than I have been in a long time. I had no idea what a huge issue it is and especially angry that people in our world can be so evil to enslave people and especially sexually enslave small children. Disgusting and gross and it made me absolutely angry. I wanted to get up right then and go punch one of the pimps that enslaves girls.
Hopeful that the Lord can help me discern through all of this information I am processing and hopeful that He can completely eliminate human trafficking. Joyful because the Lord moved in HUGE ways in our group today. Walls were broken down. Bonds were strengthened. Lives are changing.
Joyful that I am blessed to be with such an honest and open group who will be vulnerable.
Giddy after a fantastic light-hearted night including the Hobbit Cafe (which was delicious), an Astros game where they actually won, dancing and singing in the van on the way back to housing, and finally a mini-salsa dance lesson from Sarah, our communications director!
All in all, it scares me so much that I am going to continually have to fight against myself to really see what God has for me this summer, but at the same time, I'm excited to see how His glory and perfect provision for my life turns out!
Lord, thank you for vulnerability and inperfections. Thank you for loving us through wreckage. Continue to remind me that I am not perfect, but don't need to be because you are.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Center for Student Missions Summer
"My dear friends, pay attention. God has given a lot of faith to the poor people in this world. He has also promised them a share in his kingdom that he will give to everyone who loves him. You ill-treat the poor. But isn't it the rich who boss you around and drag you off to court? Aren't they the ones who make fun of your Lord?" James 2:5-7
So, this summer, I'll be learning a lot about this verse. I'm working for Center for Student Missions or CSM in Houston, which is a urban mission program in which we take adult and student groups around the city to different awesome programs that help in a variety of ways. I've only been here about a week in training, but I already feel like the city is serving me more than I am serving it.
In America, we all grow up thinking that achieving the American dream is ideal. We want to be successful, have a nice house, and raise a family. This is where my internal conflict starts. Is that really what God wants for my life? Is that really what His word commands? I have been so driven by success my whole life that anything that seems to contrast that completely boggles my mind. If I can have better faith living in the depressed 3rd ward of Houston than I can living in a house in River Oaks, should I not live a so-called "poor" lifestyle?
This is a question I will continue to work through the entire summer and it scares me A LOT. If God is really calling me to live a more modest lifestyle, I need to do that. But at the same time, there goes my dreams of nice cars, big screen TVs, and expensive furniture. I know if that really is what God is calling me to do, the turmoil I feel about not living with nice things will be far less than the joy I receive from answering God's call.
In the first 72 hours I was here, I already saw exactly what James meant in verse 5. As I sat eating my breakfast with hundreds of the Houston homeless after the Lord of the Streets church service on Sunday, I talked with Rosalynn and saw one of the strongest faiths I'd seen in a long time. There she sat, homeless on a scorching hot summer day in Houston, eating one of the first meals she'd probably had in a couple of days. As she ate, not only did she give some of her food away as soon as somebody else said they liked a certain item, but she told me of just how much joy the Lord was giving her. I don't think she stopped smiling the whole meal. She told me how she was so blessed with joy and so glad she was joyful, and not just happy. Can you say WOW? She, compared to American standards, had close to nothing, but was more joyful than probably the majority of the people living in Beverly Hills. Rosalynn served me so well by teaching me what true joy is. I hope I see her again.
Joy is not the absence of crisis, but the presence of Christ.
Lord, thank you for Rosalynn and the way she touched my life. She was such an inspiration to me. Thank you for giving us joy even when we don't deserve it.
So, this summer, I'll be learning a lot about this verse. I'm working for Center for Student Missions or CSM in Houston, which is a urban mission program in which we take adult and student groups around the city to different awesome programs that help in a variety of ways. I've only been here about a week in training, but I already feel like the city is serving me more than I am serving it.
In America, we all grow up thinking that achieving the American dream is ideal. We want to be successful, have a nice house, and raise a family. This is where my internal conflict starts. Is that really what God wants for my life? Is that really what His word commands? I have been so driven by success my whole life that anything that seems to contrast that completely boggles my mind. If I can have better faith living in the depressed 3rd ward of Houston than I can living in a house in River Oaks, should I not live a so-called "poor" lifestyle?
This is a question I will continue to work through the entire summer and it scares me A LOT. If God is really calling me to live a more modest lifestyle, I need to do that. But at the same time, there goes my dreams of nice cars, big screen TVs, and expensive furniture. I know if that really is what God is calling me to do, the turmoil I feel about not living with nice things will be far less than the joy I receive from answering God's call.
In the first 72 hours I was here, I already saw exactly what James meant in verse 5. As I sat eating my breakfast with hundreds of the Houston homeless after the Lord of the Streets church service on Sunday, I talked with Rosalynn and saw one of the strongest faiths I'd seen in a long time. There she sat, homeless on a scorching hot summer day in Houston, eating one of the first meals she'd probably had in a couple of days. As she ate, not only did she give some of her food away as soon as somebody else said they liked a certain item, but she told me of just how much joy the Lord was giving her. I don't think she stopped smiling the whole meal. She told me how she was so blessed with joy and so glad she was joyful, and not just happy. Can you say WOW? She, compared to American standards, had close to nothing, but was more joyful than probably the majority of the people living in Beverly Hills. Rosalynn served me so well by teaching me what true joy is. I hope I see her again.
Joy is not the absence of crisis, but the presence of Christ.
Lord, thank you for Rosalynn and the way she touched my life. She was such an inspiration to me. Thank you for giving us joy even when we don't deserve it.
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