Mission Trip Debrief

As I said earlier, the mission trip was beyond belief wonderful! I had not been expecting much, but let me tell you, it delivered! Here's the break down day by day:
Saturday, February 20
We were scheduled to leave Lexington at 10. I got out to the quad at 10:02, thinking I was late, to only find 2 other people there. Thus, Lauren and I took a brief trip to McDonald's to get some breakfast and then by the time we got back, everyone was ready to leave by 10:30. We stopped in Winchester at noon for lunch, which was when I discovered I had left my entire purse with wallet, camera, and glasses in my car in Lexington. great. But, crazy enough, the Lord calmed my heart and I didn't worry about it too much. Thankfully, I had my phone,my W&L ID, and my phone, so at least I had something. Saturday, we move in to the CSM (Center for Student Missions) headquarters at a church in DC, go for Thai food at the Thaitanic (haha). Then, we just hung out, played mafia (best game ever especially with ridiculous characters), jammed out to Levi on the guitar, and just talked. Great low key night.
Sunday, February 21
We had the opportunity to go to the National Cathedral for church, which was awesome! They even introduced us in the service and the place was incredibly beautiful! It was cool to just be in a totally different kind of service than I'm used to. We then went for Mexican (which is actually the best Mexican I've had outside of Texas) with Chris and Hilary, W&L alums. Again, just a great time of fellowship. That afternoon, they just introduced the CSM program, rules, etc. and then we went on a prayer tour of the city that night. As part of the tour, we went to this breathtaking view where you could see the whole city, and just prayed for a city that looked so beautiful on the exterior, but was hurting so much on the interior. This night, we went for Ethiopian food! Not my taste, but I'm still so glad that I tried it. Then, back to the headquarters for more mafia and hanging out before going to sleep earlyish (12:30) because we had to get up at 5:30 for our service the next day.
Monday, February 22
Arose at 5:45 after apparently my watch had gone off and I told Abby I wasn't waking up. haha.. I don't remember that at all. Anyways, we then left for SOME (So Others Might Eat), a soup kitchen in downtown DC to serve breakfast and lunch. My serving group was so legit and Steve truly did a great job in picking the groups to serve the specific people each would serve. Mine included Eric, Luke, Will, Abigail, Lauren, me with our fearless leader Steve. For breakfast, Luke and I served as dishwashing dominators. We had so much fun and needless to say, those dishes were completely dominated! We served over 300 people for breakfast and I loved the way the SOME workers were just incredibly joyful and really treated the people they served incredibly well. Everything was incredibly clean with floral arrangements on tables, and it basically just felt like a really nice cafeteria. Then, we had a Bible Study at 9:30 followed by most of us crashing with our heads on the table for an hour nap before we served lunch. For lunch, we all served on the serving line, which was so fun and took a lot of teamwork. This is when I met Michelle, who has one of the most joyful spirits I have ever seen. She was the supervisor of SOME and probably knew at least 50% of the people we served by name. They all loved her and she loved them. By the end of the day, she knew all of our names and even teased us like we were her own nieces and nephews. She called me T-Mobile girl because I talked so fast! haha.. Also, side fact is that this is the same soup kitchen that the Obamas served at on MLK day in January. Then, in the afternoon, we went to the Fishing School, which is an after school program for inner-city schools. We went to their headquarters, which has just been redone by Extreme Makeover in August and it was absolutely beautiful! After an introduction to the program, we headed for an elementary school where we were divided into 2s and sent into classrooms with about 15 kids. I had a 4th grade class and I absolutely loved loving on these kids! They were incredible kids, who really just desired affection and attention, and I was there to give it to them. We ran games about multiplication, homonyms, and fractions and just helped with homework. Then, that night we went out to the Vietnamese hub of all of the East Coast. There were over 120 shops, restaurants, etc. and I loved the Vietnamese food! And of course, then back to the church for more hanging out and mafia!
Tuesday, February 23
We got to sleep in all the way 'til 7:15! haha.. then, we had a morning Bible study and headed for DC Central Kitchen, which is a program that takes leftover food from restaurants, grocery stores, etc. and makes it into meals for area homeless shelters, school programs, etc. It truly taught me what service is. At SOME, we saw the faces of the people we were serving, which was so rewarding. Here, we were just making food for people we would never see. Steve, a CSM leader and I literally made over 400 croissant sandwiches, prepared pasta for over 400 people, and carved turkeys. I realized just how hard straight service is. I'm glad I got to do that though as it definitely checked where my heart for service was. In the afternoon, we were back at the Fishing School, where the kids ran up to us as soon as they saw us and it was really hard to leave. I was already attached to my 4th graders. That night, we took the Urban plunge, which was where we were each given 2 dollars, left in Union Station, and told among our group of 3 to feed ourselves, a homeless person, and find out where we would find medical care, eat, sleep, etc. if we were homeless in DC. My group, which was Will, Kate, and I, worked out perfectly, because Will was willing to barter with food places for lower prices, while Kate and I went up and initiated conversation with different homeless people. The first woman, that we talked to, we found digging through a trash can near the food court. Her name was Deborah, and she was so helpful! She just talked and talked and talked to us. She even offered her own change to us even though she had so little! She truly showed me what it means to give selflessly! After bartering, we got a plate of Indian rice with curry sauce, 2 chicken soft tacos, and a beef taco. Upon advice from Deborah, we found a homeless shelter and started talking to Jackie, a homeless woman probably in her 60s. As soon as we started talking to her, she gave us her seat and stood up without even thinking about it. Again, she gave selflessly of what little she had. She was a character, I tell you. We're pretty sure she had dementia, but I loved listening to her tell us that she was about to go to Princeton, how great her kids were, and how I shouldn't get married until I was 50.. haha.. probably some good advice. At the end, we even got the chance to ask her if she wanted us to pray for anything. She said she wasn't that kind of religious, but still it was cool that we got to witness to her in that way. We then prayed for her and all of the homeless people in DC as we walked back to Union Station.
Wednesday, February 24
We debriefed on the whole trip and headed off for the rest of our Feb breaks.

Things I'm taking from the trip:
1.) A different perspective of the homeless- Will I give money to homeless people on the street now? No. What I will do though is stop and talk to them. I learned that every person has a story and needs to be heard and loved no matter who you are.
2.) The realization of just how blessed I am- We hear it every day that we're blessed, but I now take every meal I eat and truly thank the Lord I have it. I also thank the Lord for people that listen to me and love me.
3.) Closer friends- The Lord definitely had His hand in who would come on this trip. I became closer to every single person on the trip and admire all of their hearts for service. I especially think it was great that none of my best friends came on the trip because it forced me to get to know other people, and now I'm so thankful for the close friendships I have from the trip that I would have never had.

Lord, thank you for this amazing trip. Let the things I learned not be something I take with me for just these next few weeks, but something that translates into my entire life.

Loved and Loving

more to come later, but..
my mission trip to DC was IN-CRED-I-BLE!!!
seriously, some of the 4 most wonderful, eye-opening, perspective-changing, fun days of my life.
The Lord gave me a week where I felt completely loved, which I really needed after the previous week where I had been feeling neglected. He definitely had His hand in choosing the people to go on the trip because I could not have asked for a better, more cohesive group. I think the reason it worked so well is that we had a very diverse group of people where everyone was very welcoming and no one separated off into cliques.
I learned truly how to love people no matter what state they are in. I learned that everyone has a story and needs to be heard. I learned that everyone needs and yearns for love. The system breaks people, but God cares for people. Thus, as Christians, we are to care for people.
Lord, let me see people as you see them and love them as you love them.

Never Neglected

Ever feel just neglected even when you know you are very loved? I feel almost selfish feeling like this because I know I have more people that love me well than so many people around the world, but this week has just been a bit of a rough week for me. And the saddest part is, I need to follow my own advice about not being offended by anything. I know that the people that I have felt neglected by this week did not mean to neglect me at all. In fact, they don't even know that I feel neglected by them because of course, I put on the happy face for everyone. But, you know the good thing about this kinda low week? You better believe I've been calling on the Lord. "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
God has been listening to a lot of me this week, and I love that I know He hears me. He's definitely drawing me closer to Him through this tough time. I hate it that this usually happens though. Whenever I'm down, me and Jesus are in a constant convo, but then when things start going well, I start going back to relying on myself. I am so thankful that I know that I have a God that will never leave me and will be there whenever I need Him. I honestly don't understand how people make it through life without God because especially in rough times, He is my strength and there is no way I would make it through without Him. So, I'm off to spend some time with the One who is always there for me, even when I feel like others aren't.
Lord, Thank you so much for never leaving me! Thank you for this trial in my life even though I don't enjoy it because you have brought me to your feet. Let me continue to stay there no matter how bad or good life is.

The Journey to Contentment

Content. Sometimes I think I'm the most content person in the world. While other times, like today, I feel so discontent. For the past 2 1/2 years I have been at school, it has been a constant prayer for me to be content. Senior year of high school, I felt on top of the world. I was #1 in my class, #1 on the tennis team, queen of a lot of organizations, had the best two friends, Austin and Omar, in the world, and a ridiculously awesome family. I was content. But, why was I content? I learned the hard way once I got to college that I had been content because everything was going my way.
I got to W&L thinking that nothing would change. I thought I could still rule the world just from a different location. Boy, was I wrong! I came onto a national champion tennis team where I was nowhere close to being at the top of the lineup. My grades were average at best. I was a quiet member of a few organizations. I felt so lonely without my two best friends to hang out with on weekends when everyone else was going out to parties and drinking. And, I didn't want to tell my family that I was having a rough time because I didn't want them to worry.

Now, I don't want this to sound like a pity party because I am actually really glad I had that tough time looking back on it! I gained so much independence that I don't think would have ever been formed without a tough time like that. Because everything had gone my way for so much of my life, I had never had to be independent. I depended on my parents and friends, and everything worked out at that time! Then, college came and a crazy and great thing happened, I not only had to rely on myself, I was forced to rely on the Lord even if it was because I had no other choice!

These past two summers have been huge personal growth summers for me. I worked at a Christian camp in Texas with 8th and 9th graders. I wanted to work there because I had been going to camp there my whole life, wanted to prove I could do it, and it didn't hurt that there were many ridiculously Godly men who were serving as counselors, too. But, the Lord had me there for another reason. I got the worst acne I had ever had in my entire life summer 2008. I was forced to find contentment in the Lord because I sure wasn't content in the way I was looking. Even though it was tough, I grew so much in my dependence on the Lord. I realized I didn't just want the Lord, I NEED the Lord! I had never yearned for the Lord, and I truly yearned for Him! And, working with 8th and 9th grade girls, I could truly relate to a lot of the issues they were facing because I was facing them with them! The Lord definitely used something I hated for His glory! Then summer 2009, I went back to camp this time with better motives. Again, the Lord transformed me when I thought I was a pro at this whole being a counselor thing. He taught me, that His timing is truly sovereign, even when it's not my timing. 3rd week into camp, I came down sick with the flu. I was frustrated because I wanted to be at camp, but I was forced to go home and recooperate. In the Lord's timing, it was just the week my brother ,who is exploring many faiths, had come home from Argentina after 6 months studying abroad. It was such a sweet time to really bond and love my brother even from my sick bed. Then, I went back to camp and 2 1/2 weeks later, I again came down sick. This time, with the oh so infamous, swine flu. That's right, both strains of the flu, within two weeks. It was a rough summer on my body. I was really, really frustrated. The cabin I currently had was the best cabin I had ever had, and I wanted to finish out the week with these incredible girls. But again, I was forced to go home to recooperate. The very night of the day I went home, my oldest brother calls, and surprises us all that he just got engaged! I would have not been home or heard about it if I had not gotten sick! Lord's timing is so perfect! Thank you Lord for letting your timing be better than mine!
Anyways, all of this to say, the Lord continues to work on me being content in Him and only Him. No matter if I'm making good grades, dominating at tennis, or whatever else I deem as successful, I can be content because I have Him and I know that I'm going to be spending eternity with Him!
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content!"
Philippians 4:11
Will I ever reach the destination of contentment? Probably not. Do I love it when the Lord works on me to push me to be content in Him? Absolutely not. Do I love the way He has grown me in contentment in the past couple of years? Absolutely yes. I guess, I'll continue on the journey, knowing that contentment in Him and only Him is so sweet.

Lord, let me be content in you no matter if I'm on top of the world or in the deepest valleys. Thank you for continuing to work on such an imperfect, discontent person like me.

Offended by nothing

So, this is a little tangent off of my study into little known books. I'm still doing it, but something that the Lord has really been placing on my heart lately is a quote that aruably the wisest woman I know said. This woman, Mrs. Farris, has been like a grandmother to me since all my grandmothers passed away by the time I was 13. Every week after church, she wants to know all about my life and how my week has been. I always know that once the service ends, I will see her beautifully dyed bright red hair walk the three or so rows back to come see me (yay for having our assigned pew at church!) She always tells me she's so proud of me, and has the biggest heart for people I have ever seen. I look forward to going back to my home church for many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is I know Mrs. Farris will be there with open arms and a listening ear.

Now, to her profound statement:
"What if we just never took offense to anything anybody said to us or about us?"
W-O-W! This is huge! It may seem simple on the surface, but it could seriously change our world. I know it has definitely started to change mine! Really though, what good does being offended do? It only hurts you and causes you pain while causing anger toward another person. On top of that, how many times do we feel offended, and find out later that the person didn't mean it the way we took it? How many girly cat fights would cease? How much happier could our lives be? I know lately I have consciously been making the effort to stop myself when I feel offended by something. It has really allowed me not only to feel less ill-will towards others, but really helped me put myself in the shoes of others. Even if someone did mean to offend you, why did they say that? Is there something going on in their life that has hurt them and caused them to feel anger towards you? Honestly, offense is such a viscious cycle. One person is hurt by something someone else said, so then they go hurt someone else, and so on and so forth. I say let's put a stop to it. There is absolutely no reason to be offended. It does no good!

And honestly, if we look at our Father, if He took offense to every time we hurt Him by sinning, He would be a sad, sad God. I mean, after all, He didn't even take offense to being killed on a cross, but knew the killers' motivation behind it and saw their sinful hearts. If we're truly seeking to look more like Christ, I think especially as a girl, not taking offense to things, could be a huge step. Don't get me wrong. It's not easy, but it is so freeing not to have grudges against people or be mad at them. I know I'm gonna take a stand against this one hurtful word at a time.

Hey God! Give me your eyes to see the hearts of people, so that I will not take offense to anything. Let me love them like you love them!

Deceiving Myself

Next on my excursion was 1 John. I feel like I've done some really deep Bible Studies on the entire book of John (thank you Pine Cove!), but I couldn't tell you one thing that was said in 1,2, and 3 John. That could be because I've only ever skimmed over them or because I have a horrible comprehension rate while reading (thus, why I'm a math major), but either way I was pumped to see what these three books are about. I feel like every day I'm getting hit hard with conviction about different areas of my life while I'm doing this excursion through little known books. Who would have known these little books packed so much punch???

I'm just doing a chapter a night to try to really dig deep into this stuff. Honestly, for me to really comprehend what I'm reading, I have to read it a few (or several) times. So chapter1 it was last night. It's a very short chapter that talks a lot about darkness and light and how there is no darkness in God. From its discussion on darkness, I realized just how dark I am. Verses 8 and 10 really hit me hard.

They say, "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and truth is not in us. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." John definitely calls me right out. I feel like he is talking directly to me. My whole life, at least since I can remember, I have been the "good girl", who doesn't do anything "bad." I have successfully deceived a lot of the people I know into this image. But, what hurts most is that I now realize I am not only deceiving those around me, but myself. Urbana helped me release a lot of the deception I have been holding inside me for a long time, but it continues to be a struggle. Deception is especially hard to let go because the majority of the time that I have deceived people, they have NO idea. To confess to lying to someone that doesn't know they've been lied to is like making a new wound that was never there. On the other hand, without confession, the wound lies within me. And also what's hard about lying is that the natural progression of lying causes one lie to turn into hundreds before you even realize it! Not only am I myself a liar, but I making the King of Kings a liar by deceiving the world into thinking that I don't "sin." Why do I do this? How do I justify such an awful thing?

I had a big revelation back in November that I value following the so-called "rules of Christianity" more than I do the actual relationship aspect of the Lord. Would I ever admit to this? No. But, the more I looked at my life and the way I spent my time with the Lord, I realized that I think people are better Christians if they are following my perception of the "rules of Christianity." The things that frustrate me the most are when Christians don't follow the rules, but do I ever think about how much time they're spending with the Lord daily? It's a constant battle for me now to reprogram my brain into putting relationship with the Lord higher than rules. Besides, rules mean absolutely nothing if you don't have a relationship. Don't get me wrong. I still think the closer you get to Christ, the more you'll want to follow His law, but I was just following rules without deepening my relationship with the Lord.

Lord, help me be honest with you and not deceive myself or the world of who I am. Let me value my relationship with you higher than any set of rules.

Faultless

In another excursion to an obscure book, I read Jude last night. I REALLY like Jude. I feel like he calls a lot of Christians and people out about distorting Christianity and taking it out of context and such. I love it because I think this needs to be done a lot more today because of how distorted Christianity has become on TV, media, etc. Basically, I give props to Jude for being bold especially since being bold scares the heck out of me.

I also love that while Jude calls people out on distorting the Truth, he also finishes by saying that we are faultless if we have Christ. Verse 24 says, " Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy." It's so comforting to think that because Jesus died, He covered over our sins and we are going to be presented faultless before God! This blows my mind! I also find it so powerful that He can keep us from stumbling. I feel like when everything is going right for me, I believe this. Oh yeah! He keeps me from stumbling, but on a day like today, when I'm feeling a bit under the weather, I use my sickness as a reason to stumble. I rationalize not being selfless or complaining or really, almost anything to my sickness. When really, He is able to keep us from stumbling no matter what condition we are in. And finally, I love that not only are we presented faultless before Him, we are presented with 'exceeding joy.' Why would anyone want to present an ugly gift with joy? But wait, we are not an ugly gift. We are a FAULTLESS, BEAUTIFUL gift and that's why we are presented with exceeding joy.

Hey God! Thanks for allowing me to be faultless before you even though I'm very faultful especially on a day like today.

Only Good in Christ

Lately, I've been trying to read out of some of the more obscure books in the Bible that I have never really read and have no idea about. I realized that I've maybe read a little over half the Bible and perhaps only understand a fraction of that. How do I stand so strongly for something if I know so little about it? This made me really think. I'm now on a quest to get to know some of these little known books.

Yesterday, I decided I would try Philemon. The basic summary of it is that Paul is writing a letter to Philemon asking him to take back Onesimus, a slave who had run away and since, become a Christian. Basically, it's a huge call for forgiveness from Paul to Philemon on Onesimus's behalf.

I like the message, but the verse that really got me was verse 6, which says, "that the sharing of your faith may become effective by acknowledgement of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus." Woah there, Paul! Are you saying that nothing I do is good without Christ?? Now, that's a definite knife to the ego.

This really hit me hard because one of my biggest struggles is pride. Since I was little, I was told I was the best and have had no reason to believe that I'm not. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that my parents always encouraged me and believed in me. I wouldn't have accomplished many things in my life if they hadn't told me I was the best. And, I'm glad I'm positive and believe in myself. But, so many times I pat myself on the back, and congratulate myself for doing well on that test or being nice to that person when I didn't want to. What it comes down to though is the reason I did well on that test is because God gave me the discipline to study and gave me a functioning brain. The reason I was able to be nice to that person is because God chose me and chose to transform my life for Him. I could very well be addicted to drugs or sleeping around, but God chose me. He could have chosen someone else. The reason I am able to be good at all despite all the times I am so evil to this world is because He is in me, not because I am in me.

Heavenly Father, work on my pride even though I cling on to it so much and help me realize each good thing is only from you. Amen