The Journey to Contentment

Content. Sometimes I think I'm the most content person in the world. While other times, like today, I feel so discontent. For the past 2 1/2 years I have been at school, it has been a constant prayer for me to be content. Senior year of high school, I felt on top of the world. I was #1 in my class, #1 on the tennis team, queen of a lot of organizations, had the best two friends, Austin and Omar, in the world, and a ridiculously awesome family. I was content. But, why was I content? I learned the hard way once I got to college that I had been content because everything was going my way.
I got to W&L thinking that nothing would change. I thought I could still rule the world just from a different location. Boy, was I wrong! I came onto a national champion tennis team where I was nowhere close to being at the top of the lineup. My grades were average at best. I was a quiet member of a few organizations. I felt so lonely without my two best friends to hang out with on weekends when everyone else was going out to parties and drinking. And, I didn't want to tell my family that I was having a rough time because I didn't want them to worry.

Now, I don't want this to sound like a pity party because I am actually really glad I had that tough time looking back on it! I gained so much independence that I don't think would have ever been formed without a tough time like that. Because everything had gone my way for so much of my life, I had never had to be independent. I depended on my parents and friends, and everything worked out at that time! Then, college came and a crazy and great thing happened, I not only had to rely on myself, I was forced to rely on the Lord even if it was because I had no other choice!

These past two summers have been huge personal growth summers for me. I worked at a Christian camp in Texas with 8th and 9th graders. I wanted to work there because I had been going to camp there my whole life, wanted to prove I could do it, and it didn't hurt that there were many ridiculously Godly men who were serving as counselors, too. But, the Lord had me there for another reason. I got the worst acne I had ever had in my entire life summer 2008. I was forced to find contentment in the Lord because I sure wasn't content in the way I was looking. Even though it was tough, I grew so much in my dependence on the Lord. I realized I didn't just want the Lord, I NEED the Lord! I had never yearned for the Lord, and I truly yearned for Him! And, working with 8th and 9th grade girls, I could truly relate to a lot of the issues they were facing because I was facing them with them! The Lord definitely used something I hated for His glory! Then summer 2009, I went back to camp this time with better motives. Again, the Lord transformed me when I thought I was a pro at this whole being a counselor thing. He taught me, that His timing is truly sovereign, even when it's not my timing. 3rd week into camp, I came down sick with the flu. I was frustrated because I wanted to be at camp, but I was forced to go home and recooperate. In the Lord's timing, it was just the week my brother ,who is exploring many faiths, had come home from Argentina after 6 months studying abroad. It was such a sweet time to really bond and love my brother even from my sick bed. Then, I went back to camp and 2 1/2 weeks later, I again came down sick. This time, with the oh so infamous, swine flu. That's right, both strains of the flu, within two weeks. It was a rough summer on my body. I was really, really frustrated. The cabin I currently had was the best cabin I had ever had, and I wanted to finish out the week with these incredible girls. But again, I was forced to go home to recooperate. The very night of the day I went home, my oldest brother calls, and surprises us all that he just got engaged! I would have not been home or heard about it if I had not gotten sick! Lord's timing is so perfect! Thank you Lord for letting your timing be better than mine!
Anyways, all of this to say, the Lord continues to work on me being content in Him and only Him. No matter if I'm making good grades, dominating at tennis, or whatever else I deem as successful, I can be content because I have Him and I know that I'm going to be spending eternity with Him!
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content!"
Philippians 4:11
Will I ever reach the destination of contentment? Probably not. Do I love it when the Lord works on me to push me to be content in Him? Absolutely not. Do I love the way He has grown me in contentment in the past couple of years? Absolutely yes. I guess, I'll continue on the journey, knowing that contentment in Him and only Him is so sweet.

Lord, let me be content in you no matter if I'm on top of the world or in the deepest valleys. Thank you for continuing to work on such an imperfect, discontent person like me.