I like rules

I've always said that I hate rules, but recently, I've discovered that secretly, I love them. Rules are tangible. Something that I can easily wrap my mind around. I am good at following rules. Last night, however, one of my best friends set me in my tracks, when she uncovered that I love rules and specifically following the "rules" of Christianity more than I love my relationship with Christ. Ouch. It hurts. I'm not gonna lie. When the Lord convicts you like that especially by somebody that loves you so much, you know it's a big issue.

Rules are what I cling to, where I find my pride a lot of times. I am the rules queen. You tell me a rule and I'll follow it. Because I follow most of what I've considered the "rules" of Christianity, I have been WAY too prideful about my faith. I'm not gonna sugar coat this. Honestly, I have thought for a long time that I was a better Christian than other people just because I followed the "rules" of Christianity. I would tell you how strong a person was in their faith by how well they followed rules. I say all the time, oh yeah, I sin, which I know I do, but in my prideful thinking, I also think, but I don't sin as much as that person over there. It's a trap because my thinking that, is a sin in itself.

Also, I view following rules as part of my journey to perfection. And, yes, I was also convicted about this. I'm a goal setter and a planner. Pretty much in every area of my life, I set goals and then work to achieve them. I put my faith into this same category as well. But, again, I was convicted that I will never reach perfection. Yes, I want to strive to be like Christ, who is perfect, but I will always fall short. Faith is not a journey that ends. It is a continual process. A lot of this stuff I'm saying seems like common sense, and I say it all the time, thinking I believe it. However, when I actually thought about it, I realized I didn't, which was another problem.

So, now I'm hurt, I'm broken, but the Lord has already been gracious enough to give me peace about this, and motivate me to change my perspective.
2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Now, it's a tough thing to do, but I boast in my weakness. I am NOT perfect and I truly believe that now. I will NEVER be perfect. But, I don't have to be because Christ, who is perfect, died for me. His power is perfect in my weakness. For when I am weak, He is strong. Conviction stinks, but it's just the Lord's way of refining you, so I find joy in knowing that the Lord is refining me always.

Heavenly Father, thank you for humbling me even though it hurts. thank you for always refining me and never giving up on this prideful child of yours.