Insecurities

So, tonight I was actually feeling more like starting my quiet time than the last two nights, which is definitely a blessing. Thanks Lord!

Isaiah 4: Really short and sweet
Summary: Finally, the renewal of Zion and how beautiful and glorious it will be once the Lord has washed away all the filth
My take: I can't wait for all of my filth to be taken away, and the glory of the Lord to completely take over my life. I can't wait for Him to take away all of these little insecurities that started to creep back into my life these past few days. I guess it comes with being home alone since the parents are back at work and having a lot of time to myself to think. I tend to get myself into trouble when I think too much on my own. I overanalyze everything. I know these insecurities are natural and the Lord is in control of them (praise the Lord or else I'd be doomed), but it doesn't make it any easier. The longer since high school graduation the less interaction I have with high school friends, and the less they seem to care. I know it's just that we're growing apart especially since I've been in Virginia, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just miss those high school days sometimes when I'd be called as soon as I woke up as to the plan for the day. I'd always have people to hang out with. Don't get me wrong. I still have some great high school friends that I cherish a lot and always will, but it's just a different kind of relationship now. Also, it's a blessing in a disguise. I've had the most quality time with my parents, especially my mom, these nights since I'm not going to hang out with friends like I used to. It's at a time like this that I am so happy the glory of the Lord is going to take over my overanalytical mind, and cover it in His glory and majesty.

Lord, continue to remind me that I am loved because I am yours and that your love is the ultimate love. Let me be content in you, even when I'm not feeling content in my circumstances. Thank you for your neverending love!

Taken

Yet another night where I didn't really want to start my quiet time because this time I'm really tired, but thankfully, the Lord has given me discipline despite. I'll be real. When I first read Isaiah 3, I wasn't really sure what it was about or how I could get anything from it. So, I read it, took a shower, and now just reread it and actually like and understand it.

Isaiah 3
Summary: the Lord will judge in the end and anything we have here will be taken away
My take: The Lord will take away anything and everything when people don't follow Him. The Lord is definitely not about showiness.
"In that day the Lord will take away the finery; the jingling anklets, the scarves, and the crescents; The pendants, the bracelets, and the veils..." v. 18, 19
So, I love to shop. I have a lot of things. Do I think the Lord is against having scarves or bracelets, etc? Absolutely not. What I think He's against is letting those things become idols in our lives. This verse is a great reminder that when the Lord comes back, all of the material things we have will be taken away, but it won't matter at ALL because we'll be with the Lord. This idea is something I'm still battling with. What is enough? I know it's all about the heart, but it's really hard to accurately judge your own heart sometimes. Is it okay to want a new dress just because even though I don't need one? I know I could give that money to someone else. It definitely makes me think a lot. I've gotten to the point where I don't buy expensive things anymore, but do I even need the things I do buy? I probably toil with this more than I should because I want there to be one set answer, but unfortunately, there's not one. This issue will probably something I try to figure out my whole life. All together, all of these things we have on earth will mean nothing, so focus less on the things here and more on God.

Lord, give me discernment in this issue. Amen.

He is Mighty

So, I'll be honest with you. Tonight I didn't really want to start my quiet time. I wanted to continue playing Boggle, but I know that my walk with the Lord is many times about discipline and not what I want to do. So, here I am having read Isaiah 2 and feeling good about it.

Isaiah 2-
Summary: Talks about the day the Lord comes back, Part 1-Everyone will soon exalt the Lord, Part 2-what that day is going to look like when the Lord comes back starting with all of the people worshiping themselves and ending in Him fully being glorified and idols being taken away.

My Take:
Part 1- How sweet is it that every person in this world will exalt His name that day? When reading this, I also thought about people who don't believe in a God. What are they gonna feel like when they are exalting God? What harm would it do them believing in a God? Really, what are they getting out of believing Godlessness? Well, I just realized what they are getting is selfishness. With no God, they can fully focus on self. No thanks. If I had to focus on myself, I think I'd just get frustrated with how imperfect I am. In fact, that happens to me often. I start focusing too much on myself, and get frustrated when I'm not perfect. Newsflash, I'll never be perfect. I know that, but I still don't like it.

Part 2-
"Their land is also full of idols; They worship the work of their own hands, That which their own fingers have made." v. 8
Woa! This hit home. How often do I marvel at what I've done? Sadly, I do that a lot. If I get an A on a test, I feel really good at myself and marvel at how good I am. Rarely do I say, "Man, God! Thanks so much for giving me an A on this test!" I definitely will have to start doing more marveling at God and not myself. He is the one that made me, so any good that comes from me is His, even a good grade.
Along with pride,
"The loftiness of man shall be bowed down, And the haughtiness of men shall be brought low. The Lord will be exalted in that day" v. 17
Even the most exalted person on this earth will be nothing compared to the Lord when He comes back. All this pride I have here will completely be stripped of me because the Lord will be exalted and no one else. Again, it's a tough pill to swallow. I've actually been thinking a lot about this lately because after this year, I will again go from being a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in the big pond of life. I have felt very on top of the world many times this year with being in a lot of leadership positions. It scares me that next year I won't be leading anything, except maybe a classroom of middle schoolers, and even then, they'll probably be leading me. I'll be honest. I like being in authority. I like being the leader. I just have to be really careful to make sure that's not where my identity and contentness is coming from. That's part of the reason I know I really need to grow in the Lord in the next 5 months because I don't want to feel this huge drop next year. I just need to keep reminding myself that no matter what authority position I'm in or not in, the Lord is the ultimate authority and I can be joyful and content because He is my authority.

"From the terror of the Lord and the glory of His majesty." v. 10 and 19
So many times these days, we just talk about the love side of Jesus and not the fear side. Yes, Jesus is loving. In fact, the most loving being you'll ever meet. But, I love that this passage talks about the "terror" of the Lord. We all will be terrified when the Lord comes back because he is God!! He is the all-knowing, omnipresent being! That is pretty terrifying, but exciting at the same time! To me, this just demonstrates his power. Powerful is probably my favorite attribute of God. I like them all, but I love that because God is with me, I am more powerful than anyone or any situation on its own. Check this out in verse 21, "When He arises to shake the earth mightily." You can't get much more powerful than that! Also, I can't wait to see what His majesty looks like in all His glory!! I can't wait!! It's gonna be the most amazing and beautiful thing ever!!

Lord, mold me into the woman of the Lord you want me to be. I pray for growth these next 5 months in a way I can't even imagine. I pray you bring me to my knees. I pray you make me a woman of prayer. Lord, thank you for this journey!

Starting with Isaiah

So, as part of my New Year's Resolution, I am going to read a chapter of the Bible every day and blog about it on here to process through it starting with Isaiah. The reason I'm doing this is because I've never been good at comprehending what I'm reading. Thus, even after being in church my whole life, attending small groups weekly, and leading Bible studies, I have very little knowledge of the Bible. I've learned how to not comprehend, but pick out a verse or two that I like and apply it to my life to sound really good in small groups or Sunday School. I don't want to be this way any more, I want to know the Word, not just act like I do.

Isaiah 1:
Summary: It's a lot about how sinful people have become and how terrible that is, and then towards the end, it talks about how the Lord can wash all of this terrible-ness.

My take:
Fight against evil. Let the Lord wash you of sin. Don't hold onto it. Let the Lord forgive you.

"Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor, Defend the fatherless, plead for the widow." v. 17
This directly relates to a HUGE area of growth in my walk with the Lord in the past year through my summer with CSM. I finally see that doing the Lord's work is not always peaceful, and we really do need to seek justice even when you must fight for what is just. We need to stand up for people that can't stand up for themselves. Seeking justice is perhaps the thing I'm still learning most about. Being a math person, I like things right and wrong and if you tell me how something is, I take that and run. Thus, I have always just believed what I've heard about the way we treat certain groups of people as justice. In particular, I never challenged the fact that homeless people are not all just bums who don't want to work. Boy was I wrong! The Lord in fact calls us to fight for them! Seek justice for them! Yes, there are plenty of homeless people who are bums, but that's not all of them!

"Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow;" v. 18a
I didn't realize until I read the commentary in my Bible that that is the Lord personally inviting us to come reason things out with him. Basically, he's inviting us to talk over our life with Him. How sweet is that?!? Even more so, he's inviting us to share our sin with Him, so he can free us from it and make it "white as snow." Lately, my prayer life has been down the drain. My prayers have consisted of rushed meal time prayers or asking for safety for people. Those aren't bad, but He wants to share my life, not just 10 minutes a day! I vow now to pray way more often than that. How much better will life be? I can't wait to see what the Lord does when I'm in constant communication with Him about my life.

O, Happy Day that I get to go talk with Jesus now!
In His Arms, C

New Year's Resolutions

2011 is gonna be a transition year for me. I'll be graduating (we hope anyways!) from W&L in May and then become a "real" adult.. ahhh. scary.. I don't know where I'll be working, where I'll be living, or what I'll be doing come next New Year's Eve, but I do know that my God has already written my story and does know all of these things. With this, here's some of my resolutions for a sure to be exciting year.

Spiritual:
Chapter Per Day in My Bible
Blog about Said Chapter
Disciple a freshmen girl
Write a Page Every Day in My Prayer Journal
Pray!! Pray!! Pray!! I want my prayer life to greatly increase!

Physical:
Running and Ab Workout 3 Days/Week
Only 2 cokes/Day
Tennis Once/Wk
Run a half marathon!

Academic:
>3.75 GPA This Term

Peace and Joy to You for 2011!

Beautiful Children

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us. that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
1 John 3:1

Every afternoon at UJIMA-Settegast Heights (a Section 8 housing community), I have the blessing of playing with some of the most beautiful children I've ever met. We play bingo, we do the monkey bars, we play chain tag, or their personal favorite, we play Crystal is a horsey, where basically they get on my back and we run and spin around aimlessly until I can't hold them anymore and the next beautiful child asks to get on my back.

As Big Boi and Hamburger and Pig and Trey and Tyra and Adrian and Queen Bee and Daysia and so many more look up at me with their beautiful eyes, I can't help but be reminded of how I look up to my father. These kids look up at me sometimes with smiles, sometimes with tears, and even sometimes expressionless. Some of them are so desperate for human touch that I just want to hold them all day long and bring them home with me. Their laughter has become the music of my summer. Even their expressionless faces hold so much beneath. And then I remember, they are not only reaching up to me, they are actually reaching up to their heavenly Father. They may have no concept or knowledge of who Jesus is, but they do know they need love and I know that that love comes from their Heavenly Father.

As I left there last Thursday, knowing I wouldn't be back for a few days, I couldn't help, but be overcome with sadness. I didn't want to leave them. They have taught me so much about how to yearn out for the Lord, even though they don't know it. The way they love me is the way I want to love my father. Their love is so bold, real, and honest.

I don't even want to think about leaving them next week, knowing that I won't be seeing them for a long time, if ever again at all. Through this summer, though, I really have come to feel a peace about moving back to Houston after graduation, working, and continuing to love and be loved by these beautiful children.

Lord, thank you for making such beautiful children. Thank you for letting me be your child and loving me so well. Bless my kids at UJIMA and lead them to your love. Amen

Serving for an Audience of One

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." Ephesians 6:7

I've gone to SEARCH (Service of the Emergency Aid Resource Center for the Homeless) a lot this summer. It's not always my favorite site to go to, but lately, it sure has taught me about what true service looks like.

When I went on my first CSM trip to Washington DC in February, I remember thinking the same think about DC Central Kitchen. While I was cutting loaf of bread after loaf of bread, I remember getting bored and wanting to do something else. Then, Mo, a DC Spring Host, and I started talking about service and what truly serving the Lord means. It hit me that serving the Lord is not about being thanked or people thinking that I'm serving well. I had always had this thought as head knowledge, but it had never transferred to my heart. That cold February morning in the DC Central Kitchen basement, it finally transferred to heart knowledge. I was serving only one thing and that was my God.

SEARCH continues to teach me about serving wholeheartedly for an audience of one. Lately, my groups and I have been washing walls and windows. I tell you every window and wall, inside and out, in that 4 story building is as clean as it will ever be. While I still don't exactly look forward to washing walls and windows (I'm not sure I ever will), I now sing and dance while I'm doing so because I know I'm not washing for nothing, I'm washing because He first washed me and my sins away. Now, every time I squirt that Windex bottle and wipe a window, I view it as just a way I can show the Lord that I am so thankful for Him not just cleaning a part of me, but all of me.

Lord, thank you for continuing to teach me what true service is and for places like DC Central Kitchen and SEARCH that you use as avenues of learning.