Back Home to Pine Cove

I've been going to Pine Cove literally since I can remember. There's a picture hanging up in our house of my mom holding me with my sister on the other side at the Mother/Daughter conference in probably 1995. I absolutely love that place. No matter if it's youth camp or the conference centers. Probably the reason it feels most like home is because how the Lord has molded me and transformed my life there.

At the Pine Cove Shores in high school as I was going into my Junior Year, it was the first time I realized how important a daily quiet time was. That molded the quiet times that I continue to have now even as I type this.

Living my dream as a Pine Cove counselor in the inaugural year of the Timbers, the Lord started me on a lifelong journey to contentment with him. Specifically,the Lord, through my terrible acne that summer, showed me that contentment was not through the way I looked. He showed me that I was beautiful not because of the way I looked or dressed, but because I was His and He made me.That was the first time I ever yearned and longed for the Lord. I remember just flipping through my Bible and just never wanting to stop reading. I realized that not only did I want the Lord, but I truly need the Lord every single day of my life.

So, this last weekend was truly coming full circle for me at Pine Cove. I had been a kid at conferences, been a kid at youth camps, been a counselor at youth camps, and now I am being an adult (I saw adult in the loosest term. I may have been at an adult women's conference, but I sure did still swing on the swings and do cheers!) at conferences. This weekend the Lord truly just brought me back to himself. I have been a while in a state of just kind of stagnation in my walk with the Lord, which I know means I was growing apart from Him. I just needed this time at PC to one again realize just how sweet my time with Jesus is. Also, I learned a lot about courage not only in typical firefighter type situations, but within daily life.

More on this tomorrow! As for now, one of my goals after this weekend is to be more disciplined with my bedtime, so good night!

Lord, may you continue to bring me to yourself. Thank you for Pine Cove and the way you use it to bring me to your feet.

Transition

So, here I am 3 months in to my 'adult' life, and I am feeling a bit (or let's be honest, A LOT) directionless. For my whole life, I always was working towards goals. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to get the most laps in running club, make it on to student council, and be the best GT student. In middle school, I wanted to make the sports teams, get invited to the cool kid parties, and make it on Park Pride. In high school, I wanted to go to state in Tennis, win fair queen, and be valedictorian. In college, I wanted to be head RA, become large group coordinator of GCF, and excel in math. You get the point. I've always had goals. But, now I feel a little stuck. I guess I always figured at this point in my life I would 'on track' to getting married. Well, clearly that's not the case and now I'm kind of stuck where do I go from here.

I'm not going to lie. This transition is HARD. I know this is where I need to be right now, but that doesn't make me miss W&L any less. I miss my friends. I miss GCF. I miss Young Life. I miss ResLife. I even miss the way I was with the Lord there. You see in this transition, I've felt numb to the Lord. I guess I am so success driven that that is a way I have drawn close to the Lord. I seek his help, guidance, and just talk to him more when I'm trying to achieve a goal.

Don't get me wrong. Life in Houston is not bad. In fact, I do really like it. I've joined an awesome church with an even more awesome singles Sunday School class. I play sports with them. I have a small group. We go to social events together. I've met a lot of people. I am very thankful for that and I know that the Lord is going to/has been using these people to help me during this transition.

Now, I just pray that I get that desire for the Lord back. In my head, I know it's not the place or the group of people that draw me to the Lord, but in my heart, it's still hard for me to believe. I guess what I'm saying is that it was easy to draw close to the Lord there. It was comfortable. But, oh wait. The Lord doesn't call us to live comfortable lives. Dang it.

Lord, give me love for you. Let me yearn for you, Lord. Guide me through this transition and bring me joy that only comes from you.

Spring Term=Spring o' Fun

Great, great day today! Got offered not one, but two jobs that would be great for me!! Noon today I was jobless. By 2 PM, I had two job offers! Praise the Lord! Now starts the difficult decision making process. Beyond all of that awesomeness, it is now officially spring term, which means spring option for me which means lots of times to do fun things! Here are just a few of the things I want to do this spring term.

1.) Clean/Organize the GCF Carrel
2.) Write at least 3 letters/week
3.) Run 4 Days a Week
4.) Ab work at least 3 days a week
5.) Safari Park
6.) Natural Bridge
7.) Tube the Maury
8.) Have a legit quiet time daily with at least 3 days a week having them outside or fun places
9.) Apply for a Credit Card
10.) Upgrade my phone
11.) Find housing wherever I choose to live
12.) Sign up for my frequent fliers points
13.) Bake/Cook at least once a week!
14.) Finish Reading Decision Points and Redeeming Love
15.) Hike House Mountain

Well, that's all I can think of for now, but I'll keep it updated if I add or check off any of these!
The Lord is good. Amen

pray, pray, pray

that's what i've been doing and need to do. i've got a lot on my mind. i'm giving it to the Lord.' Lord, i pray for discernment. i pray for your will. i pray for a clear answer. i pray that you lead me the right way.

Playing the Waiting Game

The Waiting Game. It's the hardest game I've ever had to play. Besides maybe heads up, 7-Up. I was really terrible at that game except when I cheated and looked at the people's feet (let's be real we all cheated at some point in that game). Anyone want to play soon? On my honor, I won't cheat this time! So, the waiting game, here's what God has to say about it.. "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25 Patient? Wait, you want me to be patient? But, Lord, I NEEEEEEED to know where I'm gonna be next year and what I'll be doing. So much relies on it. But, thankfully, I serve a good God who has a beautiful plan for me. (yes, plan.. i'm so excited about it because we all know I love plans!) I do not know it yet, but here I am waiting patiently (sometimes). Even though, I am still very impatient, I have such a peace about where I'll be and what I'll be doing next year. I KNOW my father has an awesome plan for me even if that means moving home for a little bit. I trust in His goodness and the fact that He knows me better than I know myself. I don't like waiting, but I will wait because I know the waiting brings me closer to my father. It lets me seek Him and talk to Him A LOT. Lord, let me seek you in this time of waiting. Thanks so much for the beautiful plan you have for my life.

Trusting in the Lord

The Lord has been teaching me so much lately. A lot about what it means to trust Him fully instead of questioning if what He has for me is really good. It's not easy for sure. Surprise, surprise. I tend to want to grip on to things and keep control of them. Well, I've been getting wakeup calls about that lately. Specifically, today I got a rejection letter for a job I really wanted. In fact, I was really confident that I would get it because of my qualifications and how well the interview went. The Lord took my control of my future and jerked it out of my hands. I thought that was my future. Clearly, the Lord has a different future for me. Joan and I talked last night about asking the Lord to shut all the doors except the one He wanted us to go through, so there would be no question that we were doing the Lord's will. Little did I know how quickly would that be true for my life. I can tell how much the Lord has worked in my life in the past year because of my reaction to the rejection. Clearly, I was disappointed, but my first reaction was that God had His perfect plan. There were no water works. It was simply on to the next trying to figure out what God has for me.

found this verse and it is so perfect in my circumstance:
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those that trust you. Psalm 9:10

Lord, take my future from any grasp I try to hold onto. You know where you want me. Put me there.

Approval

I'm learning a LOT from the Lord right now. I'm learning so much about myself and the Lord is peeling off a veil for me to see sin in my life that I have never seen before. It is HARD. so HARD. I hate seeing sin in my own life. Remember how I hate not being perfect? See if I'm sinning, I'm not perfect, which sucks.

I've learned in the past couple of months that my love language is affirmation. I feel really loved when I feel really affirmed. It's definitely good to know what your love language is, but this past week I have seen the flip side to this. I realized that my love language is affirmation, so I do most things in my life in an effort to be affirmed by other people aka I want approval from people. I work soo hard for approval in sports, academics, jobs, whatever it is. I realized that the reason I'm struggling with not feeling like a good Young Life leader is that I'm not being affirmed. The Lord is teaching me through that the I need not work for approval of man, but approval of Him. ahhh.. that's so hard.

Even tonight, I realized another aspect of my struggle with approval. I even seek for approval on how I look and how I interact with people. Going out is definitely not comfortable to me especially when I'm not going out with one of my good friends. I realized that because of this I searched for approval even more, to no avail. I just felt awkward. Then, after leaving the going out situation I came back to hang out with another friend, who was actually already hanging out with someone else, so i couldn't hang out with her. The right thing to do is so hard a lot of times. I learned that tonight. Usually, the "right" thing to do is just automatic for me, but it wasn't tonight. I wanted to go hang out to feel affirmed that I was loved, but I knew that that was not what the two other people wanted/needed. It's hard sitting her alone, but I know that that is what is best even though it's not what my flesh wants.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

Lord, let me be your servant. Let me work for your approval and not man's.